Saturday, April 30, 2016

Watching the story play out

Hold on for this one.

My niece is pregnant and the baby daddy is in jail.

Let me get out my crystal ball and tell you how this one is going to end.

She works at target, he is in jail. When he gets out he isn't going to be able to find a job worth anything since he has a record. My sister has no money to help, since her and my brother are on government assistance. Might as well add my niece to that list. I feel as if this child is her excuse to not pursue a fruitful future. She always talked of having a baby because she wanted something to love. I hope she knows this isn't going to fill the whole that her childhood has caused.

My sister thinks i should somehow be happy for this new "addition". Why yes, let's continue our legacy by having broken people having babies. Instead of a college fund, we better get a therapy fund together. I have been in therapy for years and the pain of the damage that i allowed other people to inflict upon me is still unbearable at times.

My sister cannot understand why i am not able to stand by and watch my niece's life implode. Just thinking of her future gives me anxiety.

One more victim, one more casulty, one more child that is suppose to fix their parents.

This is why i never had children. Someone had to stop the cycle that my niece has now insisted on continuing.

Monday, April 25, 2016


I decided yesterday that i cannot be a baboom.

It is amazing how you become so interested in something that you normally wouldn't give a second glance. This only seems to happen when  you are suppose to be doing something you really don't want to do.

I was watching natgeo and there was a documentary about baboons. The males all have a barking contest in the morning. All i could think of was it's morning, really? Is there a need for all of that noise? Can't we just enjoy a nice cup of coffee?

My husband gets up the minute his alarm goes off. I am in love work my snooze button. I will hit that snooze button at least 10 times. I would hate to live with me. I have always found it extremely difficult to get out of bed. I have never had a bedtime because i fell asleep early.

Joe is such a happy person that i sometimes tell him to take it down a notch. Ironically, syd is just like me so i have to tell joe to stop messing with her because all it does is annoy her.