too much

Tonight my nephew is spending the night because his parents went to stay with his brother in okc.

Anyways. Logistics. I am spoiled. I DON'T EVEN PUMP MY OWN GAS. 

Jenny: can you watch Corinthian Monday. 

Me: sure

Her: he has to be at soccer practice before 645?

Me: am?

Her: Joe what time do you go to work? 

Joe:530

Me: (I got this) I have a meeting (trying to sound important) that morning in Tulsa. I can drop him off on the way. (I am already calculating what time I have to get up to make all of this happen in brady style....f, she had a maid or whatever alice was)

Her: I will bring him Monday night

Me: just go, I can pick him up on my way home 

AM today

Corinthian: what time do you get off work

Me: (silently..I haven't even made it to work). 6

Yesterday

Me: wtf are you thinking, this is why you didn't have kids...you can barely make it to where you are supposed to be on time.

Also me: thank you jesus, my meeting isn't until Wednesday...

I knew he loved me when he touched my feet.

Joe told me a guy we went to high school with sent him a message. I asked why, he said it was to check in on him. His friend hadn't heard from him in awhile. 

Hmmm, women think they have close friends. Men has friendships that last forever. 

Perfect example. My friend's wedding a few weeks ago. It was like a mini reunion. My friend only had 3 of her girlfriends show up. The groom (graduated a year before us) had more friends and they drove further than anyone on my friend's side to attend.

I get why I don't have close girlfriends. I flake out on people. I periodically drop off the face of the earth and the winner is.....I don't like to leave my house. 

Joe has never met a stranger and he meets people where they are. He accepts people exactly the way he finds them. 

It's something I adore about my husband. He has made me a softer person.

I no longer have to have my guard up that he will break me, leave me, or worse.... stay and destroy me one moment at a time. 

if a tree falls...

..... and no one hears it, did it really fall?

I annoy myself and people like me annoy me. 

Have you ever met a one upper? You know that person that always has a story to top yours?

I am an the idiot that will believe whatever you say until I figure out it is a lie. I will then rerun everything you've ever told me and assume it as false too.

The holidays were hard. 3 dads who have decided not to participate in my life. I work retail, most guests don't care as long as you have what they want. Introducing the last part of the trifecta. My mental illness. 

I used to go to doctors but no one could ever figure out what to do with me, like my mother when she had her brain radiated. Am I bipolar type 2, PTSD, general anxiety disorder, severe depression? It used to be very important to me to have a proper diagnosis. Really? Does it matter, I still feel close to losing hope. 

If you drop out of social media and no one notices. Do you think life works that way? 

My neighbor has been at her niece's for over a year in PT. 

Today the vultures are showing up to take away the remnants of her life. I see them smiling because they got a good deal. 

I want to scream at them. She was a kind woman who gave me her and her late husband's watch for a wedding gift because she didn't have a daughter. 

She always asked how I was doing in school. She was my cheerleader.

I left the dogs outside to bark at these people and to annoy them the way their comings and goings annoy me.