2022 self

A year ago, in March i walked out of a career that i have spent my entire life succeeding. I just left, filed for leave, deleted and blocked everyone from that world that was no longer in my corner or served my best interest.

No i had no idea what i was going to do but i knew what i was no longer going to do. I immediately made an appointment with my therapist. I really look at her as my life coach, my biggest cheerleader. She navigated me through the entire 7 months that i would be at home and unemployed for 22. 

I was listening to a podcast today at work. It was all about new year, new you. I am the largest i have ever been in my life. I was halfway listening to her and the reason she caught my attention was because she was so candid about spending her life in corporate america and then being fired. I was intrigued. She is an overachiever, runner, has so many things on her resolution list that i was feeling overwhelmed and it wasnt even my list. She was talking about how you must write things down to be intentional. Then she said that look back at where you were last year at this time and how much had changed. I think i had to hear that at least twice before feeling intuitive. 

Wow, my january 2022 self would never believe where 2023 me is now. 

the mask

"Here is the thing about the mask: there is nothing good about it.  It can't be fixed, polished, or taught to behave differently."

 

Grace for the good girl by Emily P Freeman

 

I don't know how to function without the mask

the race

Why am I always in such a rush?

This is why I have anxiety. 

My husband operates at a leisurely pace. Honestly at times, I am jealous as much as annoyed. I am like the road runner. Always in a hurry. 

A dm told me that I needed to "slow down to speed up". I agreed and carried that for a while. 

Now I've realized that I just need to slow down. 

There is no race, except the race we create for ourselves. 

I have accepted some bad habits into my daily life. I know that when they no longer serve me. I will effortlessly release them. 

Last night when I was making my dinner plate. I had this revelation that I only need the amount of food on my plate that will make me feel nourished.

It made me realize how long I've been using food as a crutch to shove down all of those feeling I didn't want to deal with. 

I have ran for many years. 23 is the year that I learn to stand confidently and courageously in a healthy/supportive environment.