Saturday, September 26, 2015


At the end of the day, i feel that you will only have your integrity

I am always bothered when someone feels the need to say hurtful, mean things about me. I really try hard not to gossip because i don't want people to gossip about me. I had a lady that was an acquaintance that kept messaging me about other people, making comments that were untrue. I didn't want to make things worse but it had really bothered me that this lady was making accusations about someone. I finally had to tell my acquaintance to never message me again and told the person what had been said.  Now she is telling everyone that i am playing both sides of the fence.

Today my husband went out rodneys pond to fish. He is out of town and has someone house sitting for him. The people came to the pond then called rodney. Joe received a text that he didn't want anyone fishing at his pond. He should've asked, if he had then he would've said no because he didn't want his house guests disturbed? I have fished at that pond. Funny thing, 6 months ago he wanted to sell that house to joe and i.  He wanted to build something smaller. Now he has a girlfriend and once again things have changed. It is like dejavu all over again. She says that they are going to marry as soon as her divorce is done. I am sure it will be just like butch, another person whom will not think that it is important to have family participate. It sucks when feel as if you have no one or no where to turn.

The last few days have been way too much. I have had houseguests since Thursday morning. Yesterday, i went and picked up syd at 3:30, her game was earlier than she thought. We all went to homecoming last night, the game was over at 10. We didn't leave the stadium until 11. :(

I didn't get home until almost midnight then i had to open this morning. I was very thankful to be able to take a nap. Then joe came in telling me of the messages he had received from rodney. Which just upset me.

Now i have a household of people this is just too much input. I told joe to tell them something other than i don't feel good because i don't want to be known as the person that doesn't always feel my mother.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Unexpected therapy

Butch called me today.

I almost didn't answer but then thought there might be something wrong with my sister.

He asked me if I considered him my dad. I told him that I considered him one of my dads. He contemplated a moment and decided that was acceptable to him.  I remember once that answer would've infuriated him. I had referenced to mom and rodney as "my parents" once and he was very quick to correct me.

He asked questions and I answered. I wasn't angry about it, I tried to not be mean. I told him that I felt as if his girlfriends came first. I shouldn't have been burdened with adult things as a 9 year old. I should've been first. He was too busy telling me that I needed to pull my head out, plug it in, and the world didn't revolve around me.  He told me that he was trying to prepare me to be an adult. I told him I was 9 and should be doing 9 year old stuff not be responsible for him emotionally, worried about money.

He apologized. I had already forgiven him. He said he wanted to have a relationship with me. I was done after he put his last girlfriend/wife before me, sold land that he always said would be mine. He wanted to know why I had never told him. I had at my sister's, he was just too angry to hear it.

He married claudia and we were replaced by her kids. He said he tried to help those that needed help. I shouldn't have to have a crisis to get attention.  He was proud of me taking care of myself. I told him that I had to, his reply was that is what I was suppose to do.

Sometimes it would've been nice to have a safe place to land.