Monday, October 20, 2014

the fun of being married

the fun of being married.......combining finances, that is when the romance really starts. 

spending quality time at the social security office can be VERY entertaining....i have figured out that you don't want to be the one that has to go down the hall

the tag office to get your new drivers license, this is ALWAYS a fun endeavor.  I have told the ladies often that they need to have their own reality show.   As i was waiting for my new drivers license, this old lady and the kid with his pants dragging the ground walked as if they were together because the kid was so close to her.....i suppose the lady wasn't walking fast enough.

then there was the lady that had been sitting in chairs by the drivers license area but when the lady asked for the next person she never said anything so i assumed she was waiting, then she just jumped up and went to the counter.  the lady told her that they had to see her hair line (she was wearing a hat) we all looked at each other and said we didn't think you could wear a hat when you had your drivers license made.  the lady just tipped her hat up a little, the lady behind the counter then told her she had to take it all the way off....she didn't seem too happy about that.  i am so thankful that i am not socially awkward, well, not anymore than a normal person. 

my husband still lives in the world of writing checks and using stamps to pay bills.  I understand i was once that way too, but i found the ease of paying bills online.  so very simple and what is even better is automatic withdrawal.  the only way this process could get easier is if i could find someone to actually go to work for me and still give me the money.

anyway, i am an old hand at this, having already changed my name once this year.

i am still scared to death that god wont bless my marriage because i cheated on my husband.  i rewrote my wedding vows to have my marriage be blessed before and after the ceremony.  i was so paranoid because i kept seeing postings on how if God meant for you to be with someone, he wouldn't send you someone else's husband.....i figured that was a sign. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

marriage license and assisted suicide

we went and got our marriage license today, it was weird and i was hoping that it wouldn't end up being really weird by running into Skippy.  My dad filled out a form stating we had four hours of premarital counseling and we only had to pay $5.....awesome.  I think i have had more on the job marital counseling than any one person is meant to.

i like to listen to Dr. Jenn on the radio and last night i was driving home and there were two ladies that had called that both sounded like me over a year ago, picking the wrong men, having the wrong boundaries, accepting inappropriate behavior. 

i was really excited when my therapist told me that i wasn't the same person that i was when i started therapy.  sometimes i wonder if i have done all of the work that i am meant to do, but i know that something will come along and throw me off balance and i will be having a melt down in her office....she probably drinks because of me. 

my nieces are coming Saturday, which is super exciting. 

i still have to figure out what i am doing about the music, get a hold of the chair guy, get pictures of my mom and make a picture of Joe's mom for a memory table.  it is times like this that i miss her, the old her, not the person that cancer made her. 

i read a story the other day about a woman who had moved to another state that had patient assisted suicide, you went to the doctor and you were written a prescription and you are in control of when you die.  Now i am sure there is more to it than that, but this lady had a disease there was no cure for and the death was going to be agonizing.  i often wondered why we let people suffer while waiting to die.  we wouldn't let an animal suffer like that then why would we let our loved ones suffer. 

just a thought

Saturday, October 11, 2014

crazy people and sugar overdose

it looks as though butch is going to try and get sister committed long term and maybe they will be able to finally give her a correct diagnosis

my niece called me last night and sister is in the hospital, so maybe the judicial system works faster than we give it credit for or the local pd is tired of spending their man power on her issues.  It does seem as though she does like to walk around town naked a lot. 

So a little over 30 days ago we decided to get married.  At the time I didn't think that is was such an insane thing to do, plan a wedding in a month, most people take a year. Do you realize the average cost for a wedding is $30,000...have people lost their mind?  I could pay off my credit card and finish school for that.  The only thing left to do is pick up the cupcakes Saturday, finalize catering, finalize with the chair guy, pay for the flowers and catering, make signs, and get the music together.  My bff said that i needed to be a party planner, no i would kill people. The Internet is a game changer, i ordered my girls dresses while my sister was explaining to me her story about the man who had taken her phone.  Realistically, you can plan your entire wedding without ever leaving your bed.  Pinterest, Etsy, and Amazon are the greatest tools in the world.

I did get my wedding dress the other day and cried.  Joe took a picture to send to my bff and dad.  My dad told me it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress.  Really, i have been divorced twice, how much more bad luck can i have?  He told me they were just practice. 

I am super excited and have become one of those couples that i hate. When people said that they were marrying their best friend, i would roll my eyes.  I really struggled with Skippy for him to understand me and where i came from, he wasn't interested.  Joe gets me, we have been friends forever.  We went to the fair the other day and he said the only ride he had to ride was the Himalaya. I thought you have to be kidding me, that is my favorite ride too and i don't think i have ever told anyone that.  I am the only girl that he knows that can quote the movie billy madison, only because we watched it a million times in college. 

Anyway, that is enough sugar, we should all go take an insulin shot. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

blah

today, i am in my "hate people" mode. 

so glad that i am off tomorrow. 

i love how everyone in the world is programmed to say no....i say this as a sweet little girl came to my door to sell me a cup for a local school and all i could think of is... i need more crap in my house like i need a whole in my head.   

i dislike working with dishonest people.  one of my department managers and i got into it one day, so she thought it would be a good idea to find some people who didn't like me and have them sign a letter stating that i had bad management style.  Really, are we in high school?  I guess that didn't take her very far.  I am just to the point that i don't even want to deal with her or even talk to her.  These people who think i am a bad manager continue to come into the store and say hi to me.  I just want to say to them, we both know that you don't like me,so there really is no reason for you to talk to me.  We can be cordial but please do not go out of your way to act as though you want to see me.

then today she wants to tell me that she wanted more day shifts because she doesn't get to spend any time with the ex employee that she was sleeping with while he still worked for her.  I just want to tell her that i don't care.  She doesn't care about me or my personal life, so why should i care for her or hers.  Actually it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. 

unfortunately, life is going to become a little uncomfortable for her....she is going to be held accountable for being a manager.  I am tired or everyone complaining and not wanting to do anything about it, so i just told them the disciplinary order and they were managers, if they chose not to do it, then stop complaining.  I am so sick and tired of the complaining and the people who feel the need to find someone to commiserate with, wasting everyone time until they find this person.  I typed up a two page memo for all managers, we have 12 weeks left in the year and 63k to make up, i need to know how each dept manager plans on making up this deficit.  We also have a deep cleaning list and as luck would have it, there are four.  So, they all get to pick one.  I need these action plans by Thursday.  If they don't have it, i will give them a verbal, then give them another week to come up with one. 

I can play this game until they are terminated.  Then they can all start a "i hate my manager" page and waste their time not mine.

who is in charge of this operation?

so that was Monday

Tuesday i go to lunch and come back to an "emergency" phone call, it is my sister telling me happy birthday.  i told her that she didn't have to say that it was an emergency, she said "yeah, it is".  Somehow she ended up in Tulsa at a crisis center and needed me to pick her up.  okay, but it will be at 6, is this an issue, no.  She gives me the address and i think that i should probably google it before i drive 45 minutes.  Yes, it is legit.

I get to the crisis center thinking that i have no way to prove that i am her sister.  I show the lady my drivers license and tell her that i am here to pick up my sister, not even thinking that she may not be ready to be released.  20 minutes and 2 crazy people later, she comes out wearing nothing but a shirt.  Somewhere in her travels she has managed to get a mesh pair of underwear and a plastic pair of boxers. 

I get her in the car.  She immediately wants a Dr pepper and a cigarette.  We are in the ghetto, she can wait until we get to the east side of town.  We are talking and she seems lucid, she tells me that the shoe is on the other foot because now she wishes she was me. 

I stop to get her cigarettes and dp, off to home we go. 

We get to my house and i give her a pair of yoga pants and house shoes.  The issue is that she has to be in court the next day by 2 for a driving incident (i don't even want to know).  She asks if i can take her, no, i am working.  She wants to know if Rodney can take her, no he has to work too.  It amazes me that none of my siblings work and are oblivious to others that do.  I would be crazy if i sat home all day and did nothing but think of my issues. 

I finally call Butch, he starts to tell me that sister has had an "episode" and he really isn't sure where she is at....."funny, you mention that, she is laying next to me".  He is trying to wrap his brain around how she ended up 2.5 hours away from home.  I tell him that i am not really sure, but somehow she was transported to Tulsa.  I am sure that her home town place is tired of dealing with someone who is combative and uncooperative when she shows up and has now decided to export their crazy people.

It seems that she was found on Monday morning wandering the streets with nothing on but the t shirt (now it makes sense why butch asked me if she had any clothes on).  Evidently she just walked out of her apartment, no keys, no cell phone, and no wallet.  He had no idea that this had happened on Monday instead of Tuesday as she told me. 

Sometime into the evening she starts whispering to me that there is a man that lives above her that has been in all of the armed forces and he has stolen her phone.  Someone she knows is running for chief of an Indian tribe and there is something big going on with the casinos and they are connected to Vegas. 

Okay, now i am thinking that i am stuck in my home with a crazy person.  Joe is at work.  So i do what any normal person would do, i drug her.  She goes right to sleep.  No telling how long it had been since she had slept. 

Butch and my brother show up about 3 hours later (they got lost).  They walk into my front door with a map.  "How retro".  I tell them of my exciting evening with a crazy person and then butch starts to go through her bag of paperwork which is the only thing that she had with her besides the shirt and make shift underwear.  I am not sure if he was able to make heads or tails of it, but he was listed as a person that they were able to release medical information too.

He then asks me if he should just take her back to the crisis center.  "NO, she needs to get home and get back on her medication and someone needs to call her doctor".

Some days i wonder if i am the smartest person running this operation. 

happy birthday to me

what else do people do on their birthday than go to the gynecologist for their annual check up

i wouldn't normally go but my doctor held me hostage by not refilling my birth control until i get my check up and since she seems to think that i need to have a monthly period, well i go

since it was my birthday, i got an extra surprise.....a lump in my left breast....i guess this is what i get for not doing a monthly breast exam, but there is something so weird about feeling yourself up

so i had a mammogram and an ultrasound on Monday, the lump is still there and no one thinks that it is anything to be worried about except now i want it out!!!  I don't even like to have a skin tag, i cut one off with nail clippers one day.  I don't know, i go and see my doctor in a week and a half and now i get to go and see her every four months. 

it was weird the day that my doctor found the lump, Joe was with me, i told my bff and called Rodney.  i just felt as though there was someone else that i needed to tell.  Skippy texted that night with a picture of my ex dog and a caption "momma i miss you".  i almost broke down and told him just because i am so used to having to look outside my relationship for support.  I thought that it was ironic that if i was with Skippy i would've told Joe. 

Skippy then wanted to know how counseling was going (aka how crazy am i today) and to let me know that he was here to talk if i ever needed someone to listen.  Really????  I almost fell for it too, then i remembered how supportive he was when we were married.  No thanks, i am good.  I just told him that i had a good support system, then he was telling me about his dad almost cutting off his finger...yeah, i know, he came into the store. 

i would've called his parents in the past, they were my support system, they were the ones that cheered me on.  i haven't even gone back to school since his dad asked for the check back for my tuition.  that was the worst part of leaving Skippy, but they are his parents and they will always support their baby. 

i was kind of miffed that he came into the store and was telling me about he had to have his dog kenneled while he went to Nevada to see his brother.  i just wanted to slap him.  it must be nice to have parents that will buy you a house.

 yes, i am jealous, he was a sob to me when we were married and i want karma to kick his ass. 

Monday, September 1, 2014

letting people live in my head rent free

wow, it has been awhile since i have posted anything

went to my annual summit meeting.  i went a few days early and saw the sights of Nashville.  of course, i came home sick.  i think my mother left my her sinus issue when she left.  smh.

last year when i went to summit i thought that i would be all better when i got back.  it had been a year since i had fallen into the hole of my depression and i really thought that a year was long enough to get over just about anything.  i was wrong. 

i went and saw my therapist last week, she told me that i was looking good.  we spoke about my misconceptions of my year "get well" strategy.  i told her that i was really nice to not have a lot of drama going on in my life.  i decided to take another semester off of school.  just because i am starting to feel a little better, i don't want to jump in feet first, over schedule myself just to end up where i was before. 

i feel like i have a better support system for the drama.  once, you have hit the very bottom and would be willing to do anything to make the pain go away, it starts to make everything relative to that kind of pain. 

i finally flipped the other day and went off on my dept manager, she has been sleeping with one of the employees and he has since found another job, except he spends all of this time in the store and she accomplishes nothing.  i know it is hypocritical.  so i guess she asked me if i could go home early, i cant hear because of my sinus issues and she went and told everyone i was ignoring her.  it just rubbed me the wrong way and down hill it went from their. supposedly i take 1.5 to 3 hour lunches, call in too much, and only take care of myself.  so i told her that if she felt this way, she should call hr and report it and i would write it all down for her.  i tried to call hr and he wasn't answering, i then asked if she wanted to call my boss and no.  so she went home and took it upon herself to spend her evening calling everyone to ask them if they would sign a piece of paper on my management style.  i am sure she got a few takers.  then next day hr called me and told me i needed to write her up for calling me a selfish bitch, when i told her that i hoped her son felt better.  she signed it and just laughed.  then i am not sure who she called, must have been my boss, and that conversation must not have gone well because she was in a mood for the rest of the day.  i have figured out that people seem to work better when they are mad. they seem to get things done. 

my ex sent me a text the other day that a girl that used to work for me and has caused me a good amount of grief during my campaign had lost her husband and the first thought in my head was, karma.  that is horrible.

i don't know how to not think bad things about people and wish bad things to happen to them.  i try to pray for them and not wish they get run over by a car, but most of the time it doesn't work. 

i just keep telling myself to not let people live in my head rent free