Monday, April 30, 2012


the difference between humans and animals is the ability to empathize

the issue of being raised by a man is that you end up with both traits.  I grew up in a small town and my female friends graduated and were either already married, getting married, or were engaged.  I started hanging out with the guys.

I am an empathic fixer.  I have the ability to see where other people are coming from (if i can get my ego out of the way) and i want to fix it.  I am not sure if this is the codependency in me or if it because i was raised by a man and we all know how men just want to fix things.

Women want to be heard and will continue talking until they feel as though they have been heard, men just want to fix the problem. 

My sister who is the most unique individual i have ever had the luck on knowing is still dealing with her debilitating fear.  I know that fear, that fear kept me from going away to college, kept me from moving out until i was married at 25, kept me from having children, and has kept me in miserable jobs and toxic relationships. 

Ironically enough, she wants my life and i have always wanted hers. 

We are all dysfunctional, just some of us hide it better than others. 


It is incredibly sad to watch a good woman lose her mind. 

My mother in law is in the early stages of Alzheimer's.  I cant stand the thought that one day i will have to remind her who i am.  Unfortunately, my patience and hectic schedule doesn't have it to convey the same information day after day.  I will be relieved when this semester is over so that i don't have to explain for the 16th week in a row that i wont be in church on Wednesday because i have class and no i cant miss. 

My mother has already lost her mind and become a different person.....i am not sure that i can handle both of the women in my life changing before my eyes.  My mother has always had a mean streak and so seeing her be hateful and reclusive is nothing new to me.  My mother in law is another story, she rarely even says anything bad about anyone.  She has this unique ability to make anyone who has ever met her feel special.  Although, i heard that she came into my store once and was terribly unhappy when a copy order was done incorrectly.  Fortunately, i have not had to be on that side of her, but she has been on that side of me. 

I am incredibly proud of my husband, he has been very patient with her, repeating information calmly and not throwing his hands up.  This is a disease we have all been preparing for but it is like preparing for a tornado, you can image, you can prepare, but it is never quite how you thought it would be and feel like when it finally arrives. 

Sunday, April 29, 2012


"Barmaid play me some Buffett, I’m in a mood to get away
So pour me a vacation, I need to leave here right away
I gotta get down by the ocean, if it’s only in my mind
Take me out to paradise, if only for tonight, I can leave it all behind"
great divide

this is how i feel today, well, without the hangover......not quite the drinker i used to be (that is probably a good thing)

today is one of those day that i want to raise my hand and tell the conductor to make the world stop spinning, i want off this ride

6:20 am my alarm starts going off
i get up,shower, write my blog, drink my coffee and read my devotional
go to work
stay until 11:45
go to bank
lunch with an old friend
pedicure (usually i just put new polish on top of old polish)
walking door to door to hand out brochures
store to set ad
home to have long discussion with husband about state of affairs until 1am

this is a short day and yes, i took my meds

the rules

1) always be on time
2) pay attention
3) do the best job you can
4) never ever be concerned about the outcome
5) when you finish playing with your toys put them back in the box
 and an addition
6) never, ever take yourself too seriously, we are all replaceable

these are the rules that my dad was raised by.................and my 2 cents

always be on time................. showing up is half the battle

pay attention................... or if all else fails read the directions

do the best job you can......if i am going to put my name on it and spend my precious time doing it then i cannot and will not half ass it

never be concerned about the outcome..................the control freak in me just passed out

when you finish playing with your toys....................or in my house, put your shoes up or your husband will trip over them and give you grief

never, ever take yourself too thankful everyday for what you have because it could all change in a minute (a friend would tell me that we are all one phone call away from a bad day)

no trust list

a man is only as good as his word

i take people at what they tell me, if you tell me that you flew to the moon today at lunch, i will more than likely believe you..............until the day i don't, then i will question every thing you have even said until i drive myself crazy.

i believe you don't truly know someone until you live with them or work with them.  I had the privilege of working for the greatest man i will probably ever know.  He had one simple motto, what you say you are going to do. I try very hard and i am still learning to not make commitments that i cant or wont keep. 

i wish there was a curtain behind every person that you could pull back and see what is really going on behind the scenes, like the wizard of oz.  Until then, the only thing that i have to go on is your words and your actions and if they don't sync then you will immediately be moved to column of people that are on the no trust list. 

unfortunately, the busier i get, the less likely i am to waste my time on investigating whether or not these people are truly worth my time, trust, and most importantly a place in my life.  


My adoptive father used a shaving kit that was basically a mug with a round disk of soap that he lathered with a brush and applied to his face.  The mug had a car on it and it had the words Studebaker under it.......he always called the mug with the disk of soap his studbreaker.  It took me years to realize that it was the name of the car on that mug.  I don't think my adoptive father ever realized what was written on that mug.

The other day i was talking to my mother in law and i said "DeeDee and I", she (being the English teacher said) "me and DeeDee".  Why exactly did my adoptive father spend my teenage years correcting my already correct English with "DeeDee and I", she shook her head and said that she didn't know, but he was wrong.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


It is ironic how much of my value is wrapped up in what other people think of me.  Perfect example, the perceived way the workers of my opponent looked at me.  I felt as if i were in high school again, not being the cool kid or probably the way that i treated the person that i thought was less than me. 

I sincerely believe that everything happens for a reason, i may not understand the reason for a very long time, but it all falls into a bigger plan.  It was put upon my heart to run for this position because it was a challenge, something i could fail at, and put me outside of my comfort zone. 

I just sat next to my husband, thankful for my in laws and their sweet disposition, and asked god to show me the way he would like to me to act in this situation.  It is always easy to follow guidance when we want something. I always ask that God makes the situation go away or easier, but there is zero education in that wish. 

Friday, April 27, 2012


I love you regardless of how well you are performing.  Sometimes you feel uneasy, wondering if you are doing enough to be worthy of My love.

This is a passage from my daily devotion, Jesus Calling

I feel uneasy most of the time, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Fearful that if i am not prepared for the worst and it happens, i will be unprepared.  This is exhausting, but i have done it for soooooo long that it is my security.  I now have to voice my concerns to someone, trying to find the words to describe my panic, feeling the panic, then try to let it go. 

I am very concerned that if i don't perform well that bad things will happen to me and my life.  I learned from an early age that if you aren't thankful for things then they are taken away.  I took my early childhood for granted, where i had a mother who cared for me,  took care of me, and didn't view me as the enemy then she was gone. 

Expect the worst, prepare for the worst, and don't expect anything more than the worst.............this has been my motto, this has exhausted me, made me a wreck, and allowed me to take less than from other people in my life. 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

lions den

Today was very interesting.  I went to a meeting where i felt like i was crossing enemy lines.  I had to give an impromptu speech and probably did nothing to further my cause.  I spent my ride home wondering about whether or not i was going to succeed in my new endeavor and if failing was the better option after tonight's meeting. 

As we sat at the stop light, i heard a hissing then bubbling noise.  I turned around to look and saw that the vehicle behind us was leaking water and had steam rising from the hood.  The vehicle turned into the grocery store and we turned to meet a young lady and her 5 kids.  She is a stay at home due to a disability and was taking the children for a ride after being stuck in the house all day.  Luckily enough the lady had pulled up to the water hose and so Matt filled the radiator only to discover a huge leak coming from the top of the radiator.  Michelle was able to drive her vehicle to her house and get her babies inside.  She has five children ranging from seven month old twins to a nine years old. 

Everyday i try to read my devotional, today was

Don't let unexpected events throw you off course.  Rather, respond calmly and confidently, remembering that i am with you.  As soon as something grabs your attention, talk with Me about it.  Thus I share your joys and your problems; I help you cope with whatever is before you.  This is how I live in you and work through you.  This is the way of Peace. 

I prayed while in the lions den that god help me to be the christian that he would want me to be and that  i was thankful for the situation to grow. 

Tonight i prayed for Michelle and her five children.  I am thankful to God for showing me how truly blessed i am......even in the lions den. 

the outcome

"don't get too concerned about the outcome"
rodney brook

my dad always tells me this....i think that most advice is a tool that is kept until you need it or you know how to properly use it

two years ago, my husband and i talked about me making a change in career.  The time had come (isn't is amazing how quickly that happens) and i was too scared to make a decision. 

"begin with the end in mind" isn't this the motto we have all heard thousands of times???

I am not sure if i didn't make the decision because i was fearful of failure, if i was concerned about the hard work involved, or if it was my self defeating behavior. 

I am now at a point in my life where the self defeating behavior no longer gives me the payoff it once did, the grief of disappointment is more than i can handle.  So, i have put myself out there, not too terribly concerned about the outcome. 

best advice ever

"if your friends don't compliment you, then you don't need them" 
bobby joe hall jr

this is probably the best advice i have ever been given and i still remember it years later.

i think as women (some men too) that whenever someone else succeeds  (looking good, losing weight, cute outfit, promotion, good man, great kids, nice house, nice car......etc) that we take it as a direct threat, as if there is only so much happiness to go around.  We immediately feel as if we must find some kind of flaw, picking apart their life like a vulture. 

i know, because i used to be this person. I once saw my bff and she looked so good that i spent the entire conversation admiring how put together she was, how great she looked, and (to be truthful being a little envious) i never told her.  I later asked myself, why i kept that information to myself.  I now try and compliment someone when i think something positive about them.  Try this and you will be amazed at how you make their smile a little bigger, how you give some pep to their step.  I came in on Monday and one of the girls was vacuuming the foyer.  I stopped and told her how much i liked her makeup lately, she was very appreciative and seemed a little better for it.   Why did i take three days to tell her, who knows. 

Promise Yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect
only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

this is the creed of the optimist, i think the world would be a better place if we all practiced this. 

Liebster Blog Award

Thank you to my favorite Aunt, who is THE best story teller i have ever heard, for the award. I appreciate you motivating me to have a blog, giving me the strength to put it all out there, and for nominating me. I have never received an award before but I did win a duck call at a ducks unlimited dinner and i still have it.  I will try to follow the instructions as follows:

The idea of the Liebster Award is to give it to an up and coming blog with fewer than 200 followers. – in order to create new connections, and bring attention to their wonderful blogs.
When you win the award there a few details that need to be attended to:
  1. Thank the Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog
  2. Link back to the blogger who presented you the award.
  3. Copy and paste the Liebster Blog Award on your blog.
  4. Present the award to 5 bloggers who have a following 200 or less, who you feel deserve it.
  5. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment on their blog
These are some of my favorite blogs to follow (sorry, i only have two, but i don't have time for things that don't truly motivate me). Check them out.
i am new to the business of grooming, but now i have to manage this part of the business.  I love animals and i love the passion that this lady has for her clients.  I love the fact that she makes me know that i am not alone in this boat.                       
my dear aunt, who is mentioned above (thank you for calling me young, i guess 40 is suppose to be the new 30).  I appreciate the nod and the time that you dedicate to reading my ramblings and commenting. 

I originally started my blog for the soul purpose of releasing my thoughts, feelings, and stories from my head and heart and into the universe (as my tag line states), but like most others my blog went from past occurrences to present.  I have always tried to stay true to the purpose (even though it has gotten my into trouble and started some difficult conversations with my husband), but that is the great thing about the blog, it is mine and it is for me.  The fact that some people take the time to read it is great and i am always thank you. 


Tuesday, April 24, 2012


nesting is something i almost always reserve for the fall. 

I love fall, i love the smell, i love the weather, my birthday is in the fall, and i love wearing a sweater to keep warm.

Lately, i notice with the craziness of work, school, running for office, and my personal life that i have started to nest. 

Sunday i had to be at work at 6am, i left and went to buy flowers.  I NEVER want to do yard work.  I used the excuse of "if i am going to put a sign with my name on it in my yard, then it should look respectable".  I have dreaded doing that flower garden for years.  Matt finally offered to pay someone to do it.  Maybe that was my motivation, paying someone for something that i can do. 

Matt used to be the one that was OCD about the kitchen.  He banned me from filling or emptying the dishwasher because i didn't do it the way her liked.  I now empty and fill the dishwasher. 

Sometimes i think that my nesting is a control thing.......and we all know how much i LOVE to be in control. 


"Whatever feeling you aren't dealing with will keep coming up and you will have to find ways to deal with it."

i heard this the other day on true life, there was a girl that was a sex addict.  She had been sexually violated at an early age.  Her hyper sexuality was a way to feel something other than the hurt. 

interesting how an addiction starts as a way to feel something else. 

I am an equal opportunity addict. 

I am a food addict, which is why my weight fluctuates so frequently.  I once had someone tell me that they ate when they were happy, ate when they were sad, ate when they were stressed, and ate when things were calm.  I resemble that remark.

I am a shopaholic.  I like to use the term "retail therapy".  When i feel good about keeping my diet in check, then i feel good about my body and like to try new fashion. 

This is what i love about being bipolar.  I can go from feast to famine quickly and with zero notice. 

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seperation of church and state

i think as dysfunctional that the government is that they were on to something.  It is a seperation of your personal life with your other lives. Someone asked me yesterday why i didnt have my campaign sign on my personal facebook page.  Facebook is my escape, my time to catch up with my friends to see what is new and exciting in their lives, not to broadcast my agenda. 

i have learned to create more defined boundaries in my life.  My employees dont need to be a part of my personal life and my home life doesnt need to be involved in my day life.  I used to work for a company that loved the term "worklife".  No one really figured it out, but i think it was akin to slavery. They owned you and to make you feel better for eating, living, and breathing their business you were given a catch phrase to make it seem as if you had some choice in the matter. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

national geographic

i always find something that "must" be done while i am suppose to be doing something else.....i would complain but i do have organized closets while still acing my finals last semester

yesterday i decided to go and see my good friend Pete at the greenhouse.  We had a good laugh about my price stickers that i used to cover up my coffee stain on my white shirt (maybe it is a good thing that i wear beige to work).  I bought some geraniums (that i have been calling hydrangeas all these years), some dirt and a few other flowers to go by my mailbox.

i come home and start to work on my flowerpots. 

isn't it funny how one thing leads to another, after feeling a sense of accomplishment with my newly planted flowers (which i hope that actually water these or that will be $63 down the drain, again)....i then started to weed my flower garden.  I went and got more dirt and some bulbs that i thought i had seen on sale, but after making the dreaded trek to walmart i bought them anyway. 

i think there is a snake living in my flower garden, there was a round hole under the bag of dirt that has been occupying my flower garden for at least one season.  I used the bag of dirt to cover that end of the flower garden, left to buy bulbs, and noticed it was back again.  I just told myself that it was either a harmless black snake or the dirt had just fallen into the previous hole.  I did find a snake living in my hose when i went to water my newly planted flowers.  It tried to dig its way into the ground and i kept trying to coax it out, wanting to hold it?????  My new career has turned me into a tomboy again.  I then decided to weed the area around the tree (after i pruned it with some sad looking pruning shears, but decided it was better than the time that my roommate pruned the bushes with a steak knife).  I found what i originally thought was baby squirrels and then after paisely and i rounded up the little turkey that it was a rabbit.  I picked it up with my gloves and put it back into the weeded area and left it to hopefully be taken care of by his or her mother......thinking of which, i better go check. 

Saturday, April 21, 2012


never have a meaningful relationship with someone who doesnt have really good friends

it shows a track record.  If someone doesnt have really tight relationships then it proves that they have zero ability to give and take, to take the bad with the good, and cant (or wont) go the extra mile for someone else.

I ran into a lady that was my mothers roommate when she left my adoptive father.  I have truly been blessed to have people in my life that were willing and able to give me what my original parental units were too focused on their own issues to give me.  She was telling me all of the times that she basically entertained me while my mother slept.  I do not get how a mother cannot fight for her child.  I am the second child that she left behind.  My father talks about how she had a bad childhood, welcome to the club did I. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

white trash

when you are able to have a true perspective on your past, that you have successfully overcame

i always like to say that i grew up poor, i lived in a trailer house, i don't remember having more than a pair of jeans to wear and i still like to sleep with the house freezing because that is the way i slept in the winter. 

i speak of mediocrity and how i would love to achieve dawned on me, i was less than that growing up

i never excelled in school, i had issues with personal hygiene without the guidance of a woman, i lived in a run down trailer that my adoptive father used the underneath for storage, there was a catamaran in the front yard (we lived in Oklahoma, really), and the winner is.......when i went to California to see my grandparents we slept in the back of the truck at night. 

ladies and gentlemen, i was white trash

Saturday, April 14, 2012


I don't have many good memories of my mother and adoptive father being together.  I just remember the fighting, anger, and then the crying.  My mother was taking me to school (which was odd, i don't remember her taking me to school very often), but her and my adoptive father were in the house fighting as i sat in the car.  It must have been cold because i decided to be helpful and use a rock to scrap the ice off the windows.  WOW, my mother was so angry when she had seen what i had done.  She went off on me, asking me if i had EVER seen anyone use a rock to scrape the ice off a windshield.  I was so upset, i had tried to do something helpful and wanted her to be proud of me and take notice.  I felt like such an idiot. 

the flip flop incident

My mother had moved into an apartment before her and my dad were married.  She had rented a two bedroom apartment.  I am not really sure if she meant for one of those rooms to be mine, because i never had a bed or really anything in that room that was mine.  I had set up one of those folding loungers as a bed.  I must have slept on the couch before i came up with that brillant idea.  The great thing about the apartment was that it had a pool.  I must have stayed for a few weeks, which was the ususal case until my mother just couldnt deal with me anymore and i would leave. 

I had worn my mothers leather flip flops once to the pool and of course i was wet when i wore them back to the apartment.  She was so angry.  As usual, she didnt talk to me about the issue, she just yelled at me and told me how inconsiderate and unsmart that i was. 

My dad has always been the referee between my mother and I.  I still feel bad about ruining her shoes even though she still wore them for years after.......i guess i didnt damage them too bad. 

Friday, April 13, 2012


"................and I can't for the life of me figure out how she could choose to champion mediocrity the way she's learned to around you."

championing mediocrity

sometimes i wished that i could figure out how to do that, i could probably sleep at night

always something to prove................ to myself mostly, it used to be to my mother.  Ironically, i received that but then i realized that i am the one that must look in the mirror in the morning.  I am the one that has to live with my decisions and you can lie/fake most people, but not yourself (unfortunately). 

Epiphany, i used to call my adoptive father when life either rewarded me or punished me. 

When big news happens now, i just send a text.   I am not sure if it is because i don't have time or the need for the fanfare??

in your eyes

Lloyd Dobler: One question: do you need... someone, or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't really care

Say anything....who doesn't love that movie, john cusack standing in the rain with his boom box playing "in your eyes" by peter gabriel for the girl that he loves that is out of his league......and they fall in love. 

Lloyd makes my heart melt when he says those words to Diane Court, he is so in love with her that he just wants to be with her. 

This makes me wonder how many times i have chosen people because of the way that they felt about me and not necessarily the way that i felt about them.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

public failure

One of the reasons that divorce is so difficult is because it is such a public failure.  It isn't like a failed diet where you and maybe a few other people know that you failed.  You get a marriage license, send out invitations, say your vows in front of well wishers, and you are pronounced a unit (in front of god and everyone).  If this marriage doesn't go all of the way, then you are known as the half of a failed unit. 

I don't like to fail and particularly dislike public failure.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


every Easter i think of this orange jumpsuit dress that i wore one year to church when my mother was in her church going phase of life

i must have been about 14 and of course i didn't own a dress.  I remember once we had a mandatory chorus concert that we had to wear a dress.  Thank goodness i spent the night at a friends house and she let me borrow a skirt or i would have either been embarrassed or not gone and received a failing grade for that assignment. 

my mother took me to a local department store.  This really did stink, because my mother has zero patience for me, even less for shopping, and even less than that for crowds.  Crowded it was, the Saturday before Easter.  I don't think that i ever recall anyone taking me shopping either than a random girlfriend of my adoptive father or my dad that had an opinion on what i looked good in and what i didn't.  It is sad that it has taken 40 years to figure out how to dress my body and even now i need validation that i don't look hideous.

 Speaking of which, an orange jumpsuit dress with an orange tshirt underneath.....


one day the local preacher stopped by to see my bff husband, he came home and told her about it and made a statement that the only reason he had came was to get them to church to tithe.  My bff didn't understand, he then told her about how church members are to donate 10% of their income to help support the church. 

my bff has gone to church her entire life, unlike me. 

my bff, starts adding this up in her head and decides that she can no longer afford to go to church.  Her husband, laughs and wants to know how she expects the church to survive without tithing.  She replies "grants". 

I am thinking she wasn't paying attention during the whole separation of church and state. 

I have another friend who asked me once how much i tip when i go to a restaurant and i replied that it depended on the service 10-15%.  She replied that she never tips more than 10%, why would she give more to a server than to god. 

Saturday, April 7, 2012

leaving the party too early

"knowing exactly what to do and not being able to do it and knowing exactly what not to do and doing it anyway"

i read this and immediately thought thank goodness someone gets how i feel, then i felt blue because it was written by a guy who is bipolar...

i have finally agreed to go and see a shrink about my chemical/emotional imbalance,but only when my doctor told me that my condition would get worse if gone untreated. 

i cannot explain to people how i feel, that i have felt like this ever since i can remember and that being blue is normal, but not when you are a child should you feel so debilitatingly sad and depressed

the only real thing that i get upset about is if i have to suffer through the lows, then i should have the ecstasy of the highs

the note

i can remember being in jr high and so wanting to connect with my mother

i have acted like an adult in most ways my entire life, but unfortunately i have lacked the communication skills of an adult, since most of the adults in my life didn't communicate well with me (my father not being included in that group). 

i wrote my mother a letter once trying to reach out to her.  Years later she showed me that note.  I was blown away when i saw that she had kept up, but then quickly deflated when she told me that she wasn't able to read most of it or at least didn't understand it.  I am still not sure if i should be flattered that she kept it, or if she just thought she had raised an idiot when she couldn't read it. 

defining moment

she throws down her plastic ashtray and says something in a hateful tone, i turn around from the sink where i am putting her favorite flowers in a vase.  I am half hoping that it is just one of her delusional moments, knowing full well that it isn't.

I am now given the ground rules.  I call before I come, I must knock before i walk into the house.  I have to get rid of him.  "what you like for me to do with him?" i ask, she tells me she doesn't care, just get rid of him.  He is the problem.  I realize that it isn't my father that she is talking about but my husband.  She then asks what i am doing here.  I point to the candle, card, and brownies.  She says she doesn't want them and that i must take them back.  I tell her no, she says that she will throw them away, i say okay. 

I finally say that i am not doing this because it will only upset me for the next week and i walk out. 

It it amazing the moment that you stop being a child and start being an adult???


hi, my name is ___________ and i am a shoe addict, it has been less than 24 hours since i bought my last pair of shoes

i just cannot help myself, it is spring and the shoes are all so cute and colorful (usually cheap) and they are so easy to buy.  I am size 9, no matter if i have 10 or 20 pounds to lose. 

i am the type of person that if i dont have anything to wear that looks and feels good, then i dont want to leave the house.  It is the equivalent of having a bad hair day. 

this is why women love shoes, they always fit and most of the time they are the only part of the outfit that we really see. Cute shoes can make you smile.  Really cute shoes will get you compliments and that will really make you smile (except when my professor, who is wearing a tie dye poncho with fringe, tells me that she likes my shoes....this makes me scared)

this is the real difference between men and women, men have 4 pairs of shoes (except my father...maybe this is where i get it)

back up everyday

winter, these are either old shoes or a pair of boots that will be worn when the weather is cruddy

nice, they are the "someone has died" shoes or "i am trying to get a JOB" shoes

If you live with a shoe addict be prepared to see your woman with two different shoes on, asking your opinion....yes, i have been known to skype people to ask their opinion.

My father always tells me that you can tell what kind of person someone is by their shoes. 

If there is a twelve step program for my addiction, then i must have a cute pair of shoes for every step.....

Sunday, April 1, 2012

easter chics

once my mother bought me two chics that were died pink and yellow (PETA would stroke out now if that happened) for Easter.  This was probably the last Easter before mother and my adoptive father divorced.  I remember thinking how cute they were, but becoming disappointed when all of their baby feathers fell out and they were no longer pink and yellow.  Unfortunately, they were roosters and they were mean. 

You didn't really need a watch dog with those two (i am sure they had a name, but i don't remember).  They would try and roost on the back of your foot when you walked.  I think one was eaten by something and the other one i found dead at the edge of the trailer house.  My mother had enough and shot it.  She gave me some story about how it was trying to peck out the kittens eyes....i don't think they watched Bob Barker and had no clue about spaying and neutering. 

nature vs nurture

i think that my mother checked out of my life about the time that we moved to the country, which i had to be about 7

the issue being that when you don't have a female figure in your life, there are lots of things that you don't learn or learn the hard way.  Everyone in my life made sure the monumental things (like starting my period were covered), but all of the other things fell to the side.  I had a babysitter show me how to wear make up.  I cant remember who took me to get my first bra, probably one of the many girlfriends.  I didn't learn to wear lip stick until i was almost 30.  I had no clue what was appropriate to wear to what until i was much older.  I wore a pair or bluejeans and white t shirt to my sisters graduation.  Why on earth did no one say anything to me before hand???  I once went to a wedding of my grandfather's wife's family in shorts, they must have been horrified.  My grandmother took me to a nice restaurant once when i was visiting and i remember the look of disapproval i received when we arrived at the restaurant. 

Oh my and i had zero table manners.  I lived with a man who was in the army and is used to having 2 minutes to eat.  I once went to my sisters and she made rice with butter and sugar for breakfast.  I still remember the look of horror on her face as she watched me eat.  Not until Seinfeld did i know what double dipping was and that it was bad.