Tuesday, April 30, 2013

the dentist was in though

if i were ever to become an addict to drugs, it would definitely be laughing gas and if i ever decided to start huffing it would be whipped topping from a can....none of that nasty air freshener or spray paint for me, this way when you are done and you get the munchies you can just eat the whipped topping

i went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned and the dentist decided to take the temporary off the titanium rod they put in my jaw and make an impression for my permanent tooth.  he had to numb the side of my face, i cant eat, and i am starving. this little kid comes and rings the doorbell selling sonic cards for new baseball uniforms  i bought two and looking at the coupons just made me more hungry even though i cant tell you the last time i ate at sonic.  it was funny, the little boy had to go and get a second card from dad (guess he didn't trust him not to lose them). 

i am feeling all fancy and grown up today.  we bought matching towels, eight of them to be precise.  i would have just bought two and called it good, but then again i am cheap.  i finally threw away towels i had when i got married, time to get rid of things that only have bad memories. 

doctor wasnt in

took the day off to go see my new shrink, had to get up at 6am and half way to tulsa, the lady called and the doctor called in sick....it is nice to see that someone gets sick days

now, i have an appointment on friday with a different doctor.  i am trusting that everything will work out for the best and this original lady wasn't meant to be my doctor since this is the second time my appointment has been rescheduled.  i was hopeful last night though because they do specialize in bipolar so hopefully these are the right people to diagnose me. 

i am quite happy, i found a pair of capris and some shirts to wear this summer.  i am proud that i haven't been kicking the crap out of myself for my weight gain, i know some is the medication and some has just been my depression.  as much as i hate to admit it, i do need to get my behind out of bed and go for a walk.  i am just learning to deal with my new body and buy new clothes.  i am learning to let go of things that don't work in my life.  i can focus on what was but it wont help me deal with what is and that is the only important thing.

i tried to call my sister today and her phone is still going to voicemail so i am hoping that she is still doing okay, i guess i will try to call butch tonight and find out. 

i have spent the last two days watching home improvement shows and maybe i am just too much of a realist, but i look at some of these items that they put in people's homes and wonder how practical they are.  This lady has a copper sink and looks as though it has been hand beaten so there are indentations in it and all i can think of is that toothpaste is going to get hidden in those indentions.  Then they put some kind of foam wavy paper product stuff on the wall and i am thinking how hard those are going to be to keep clean and an entire wall made me want to ask where the straight jacket was.  They actually put wind chimes in this one lady's bathroom, they were like 5 foot long and right in front of her bathtub (yeah, those would be the first thing to go when they left).  They made a circular closet in one couples bathroom that had no doors on it.....it was killing my ocd. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

here we go

tomorrow morning i am going to see my new shrink.  i am trying not to get my hopes up, but i am hopeful that this isn't another person who wants to sit behind his laptop and type away as i talk, that is really annoying.  i will be grateful to have an accurate diagnosis and hopefully an appropriate mixture of meds and soul cleansing.

i did well this weekend, i didn't sleep all day sunday.  i became immersed in a book about multiple personalities, it was a memoir that was written like a novel.  it was so good that i woke up today wondering how the people in the book were doing, this is when you know you have read a good book. 

today, i still wanted to sleep all day, but i forced myself to get out of bed and clean the house, actually went to grocery store, and had the energy to cook dinner.  i do believe this is a first in a very long time. 

he did come home today and tell me the house looked nice and gave me a hug.  i told him i really appreciated him being nice to me and that no, i wasn't trying to give him a dig. 

i did have a dream last night, i felt desperate like i did when i was with the mean drunk and it seems as if the only sexual fulfilment i get is in my dreams and this doesn't help me release people from my past

Sunday, April 28, 2013


my sister was admitted into detox on thursday...said part is that i am relieved that it wasn't because of her schizophrenia

i immediately picked up the phone to call butch, he had to put up almost 6k before they would admit her.  i am actually shocked that his wife allowed him to put out that kind of money, i am sure that she expects that my sister pay it back....i have never seen anyone in my life so insecure about another man's daughters but expects him to go to the moon and back for her sons. 

i feel really guilty, i tried to call sister last night and the call immediately went to voicemail (this is before i knew where she was), i just figured her phone went dead.  she had sent me a text last weekend wanting me to come and spend the weekend with her and i had finally replied on thurday (ironic), i just needed to plan when to come. 

butch thinks that she will be out by monday, she is living in an apartment building that has an AA meeting.....i hope this helps

this is when my twisted sense of jealousy kicks in, i wish i could take time off from my life and focus on my issues, i wish i knew how....i wish i could find a way to label my issues like that and find a cure that easily.  not that i think fighting alcoholism is easy by any means, but it is at least a visible sign to the problems that are beneath.  am i wanting people to feel sorry for me, i dont know.  i would love to have something visible to give others the sign of the sickness.  no i wouldnt, i dont want the pity because i have perfected the face that i wear when i am out in public and have learned to procrastinate the extreme debilitating effects of depression until i am able to be at home.  a nursemaid would be nice.....good thing i have my appointment with my new shrink on tuesday.

i came home saturday to hug the dogs because i felt sad........it made my day a little brighter

Saturday, April 27, 2013


"you have abandoned your children on many different levels to satisfy your own personal needs" iyanla vanzant

tonight my husband asked me if my parents ever watched the lawrence welk show when i was growing up, then he asked if they watched the national geographic show.  I honestly don't remember my parents watching much tv.  He then asked me what my parents did for fun......i asked him if he has ever met my parents, he said "one of them". 

I don't remember living in the beach house.  I remember living in the house on milton, my mother would turn on sesame street for me.  This is probably the one time i really remember feeling bonded with my mother.  She moved us to Oklahoma for Butch and was not happy with the situation, but i do respect the fact that she did get an education to get herself out of unhappy marriage.  I cannot recall very many happy times in that marriage, a lot of tension in the air that you could literally cut with a knife.  Maybe this is the post traumatic stress disorder that my doctor thinks that i suffer from.  I didn't feel like i was the cause of the stress, but it did affect me, i always felt like a burden, and it really made me feel like i wanted to become invisible.  I felt the tremendous weight of my families severe unhappiness and i wanted so badly to fix it.  Which is why i take on the unrealistic responsibility to make my mate happy and to not become a burden to them. 

perfect example, by the time we arrived home Wednesday night i was a stress case, my head was pounding and i needed a xanax.  i had worked myself into such a frenzy thinking my husband was irritated at me, that i had done something wrong, and then i think someone was snoring behind me and that was like an annoying ticking clock (either that or darth vader was sitting behind me). 

too young to be crazy??

i LOVE my animals, they are my babies

one of my fellow optimist members was in the other morning and he had been looking at a dog house.  he had originally been looking at a small, which i don't carry in store, but offered to order.  it turns out his dog is 55lbs, so he went with the large....don't ask how he thought a small would work, but anyway.  he is always telling me how much his wife LOVES her dog.  she had bought a dog house the previous week for her dog and the dogs weren't sharing.   this is where it gets good, she had the dog house in the house, so that the dog could get "used to it" before she put it outside.  i wasn't sure i had heard this correctly, so i said "let me get this straight, you have an outdoor dog house inside your house", he said yes.  i told him that people thought i was crazy about my animals, but i do believe that they have me beat.  he told me i wasn't old enough to be crazy yet......if he only knew

jagged rocks

it must be true that time heals all wounds

i was thinking this morning about last nights blog, that my relationships should be measured like dog years.  It really did surprise me when i sat down and was able to accurately calculate the length of time that my relationships had lasted, some seemed so much longer and some seemed too short. 
The anniversary of the narcissist breaking me was burned into my memory, for years it haunted me, but this morning i stumbled at remembering the date.  I never thought that day would elude me, but it has been so long and i finally stopped being jaded and envisioning the karma bus running him down. 

i did internet stalk him once and i found a picture of the one he cheated on me with, they are married now (at least he married someone for pete's sake).  She was plain.  She wasn't the fiery vixen that i pictured being left for.  Maybe he did grow up, maybe she was what he needed to grow up, the good part is that i don't care to spend the energy on it or remember the date. 

sometime i feel as though i replay painful moments in my life to allow the rough edges to be worn off, like a jagged rock.  If you run your fingers over it enough, the edges wont be so sharp after awhile. I also need to remember that i am killing my fingers with that rock and sometimes it just isn't worth it. 

i used to have an intense reason to know why, to have closure, but as i get older i just realize that people do things for no rhyme or reason.

Friday, April 26, 2013


we are women, we are crazy, this is the only rule that you EVER need to know.  If you had this many hormones in your system, you would be crazy too. 

It truly is sad how insecure we are and that we measure our self worth by the size on our jeans.  My department manager has a great wife, she brings him dinner when he closes, she is so nice, and fun.  They have three children together, he suffers from bipolar disorder like i do, he is either down or in the gutter.  She supports him and makes sure he takes his meds.  They have been married for seven years.  He really is a good family man, not the guy that you have to worry about always trying to hit on you or stare down your shirt.  He just is not built that way.  She found a pop up the other night that she thought was evidence that he had been looking at porn on the internet.  She freaked out and he had to take off and go home to try and calm her down.  There was probably a point and time i would've thought that she was some jealous, paranoid, insane person that needed to be committed, (a perfect opportunity for me to drag someone else down to make myself feel better )but i get it.  I know that men like to look at naked women.  It is like looking at cars on the internet, are you going to look at a pinto or are you going to look at the flashy Ferrari...you are going for the bright red sports car.  The same thing with naked women, you are going to look at the flawless chic that has zero body fat, but amazingly enough breasts that could feed a starving foreign country.  We know, that you know this is unrealistic and if you were to ever meet this woman, you would either be too intimidated to speak to her or be too scared.  We think this is what trips your trigger and what we should aspire to be. 

"I can bring home the bacon and i can fry it up in a pan, and never/ever let you forget your a man" was the song for women who made us think that we could have it all and look amazing while doing it....

dog years

my relationships should be measured like dog years

my ex husband, i think that i spent longer trying to get divorced from him than i spent married to him.  We were married in 95 and divorced in 99, for some reason i always thought i was 25 when i was married the first time and was only married for two years.

the narcissist and started dating in april of 99 and he left me in november of 2001, barely two years and i thought we had been together for at least five

the mean drunk and i were together from september of 2002 to september of 2007, dear word, the longest five years of my life

jon, was a few months in the summer that i have tried very hard to remember.  I really do wish that i had been in a better spot for that to work.  He made me laugh, looked at me like i was the most beautiful person in the world, and wasn't trying to change me.  I really do wish that he could have saved me from myself that summer, but i was broken and determined to self implode. 

i remember my hair would fall out in chunks while i showered (needless to say it was quite a bit longer then), i would cry in the shower so that my roommates wouldn't hear me.  I treated him worse than any human being deserved, this is my biggest regret, my second was not moving to alaska

Thursday, April 25, 2013

relearning lessons

so this morning as i was driving to work, i passed a lady that made me realize that i had unforgiveness in my heart....ironic after last nights post

first i judged because she was obviously leaving her house to go to work and she was driving a lexus but leaving the ghetto.  I could feel my words coming back to haunt me.  I said a prayer that God would heal her heart from whatever makes her feel like she must look down on people and that he would heal my heart from whatever makes me feel justified in judging her. 

Here is the history, she would come into my previous place of employment.  She always parked in the fire lane, the sense of entitlement always annoyed me.  I wanted to say, would it kill you to walk 15 extra feet from an actual parking space.  I would have to stop what i was doing and load a case of paper into the back of the truck she was driving at the time, without even much as a thank you. 

yes, i do realize that i am still feeling discontent for this person.  I want to ask who are you to look down upon me, you run a low budget insurance company and seem to only have time to half way acknowledge me when i carry out your paper.  I am mexican, i did not bring you over from africa and turn you into a slave, so please stop with this "you have no time for white people" attitude and get over yourself. 

excuse me, i think that it time to reread my post about healing hearts and hope that i remember how to find my way back to that peaceful place

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

craiglist personal ads

on the front page of the paper this morning is an article about a 20 year old girl that went to meet a guy (that she met on craigslist) at 10pm at an address that she thought was his house........let us drag out the crystal ball and see how this one ends up

she walks into a house that has zero furniture in it, so i am not sure if she knocked and no one answered or what.  I am not sure how far she got into the house before a tazer was held at her throat and she was told to undress.  Now, i must mention, that she did have a gun...........in her handbag......i think i would have taken my chances.  The man raped her and told her not to get up until he was gone.  She then went to the neighbors in a pair of panties and her coat (he stole her purse and now he has a gun), they called 911.  I don't know if they called 911 on her or to help her....i think if someone showed up at my door, late at night, in a coat and basically nothing else, i would dial 911 and let the cops figure it out. 

i told my 20 something cashier about it, because she started a facebook relationship with a guy and got "catfished". 

bobbi and i decided that if that were us, we weren't so sure that we would report it because we would feel like a such an idiot.  It turns out there are two other women who met a guy on craigslist, one to look at a TV and i cant remember the other one.  One lady was kidnapped and the other was just robbed. 

i was such a dumb butt when i was growing up, i am glad the internet wasn't around, because this would be something i would have done and lord knows i didnt need any help getting myself in trouble

healing hearts

if you are only able to love your friends and not your enemies than you are no different than the pagans........now i don't like to get overly religious because i feel as though you can lead better by example than words.  I found this interesting. 

thankfully, it has been awhile since i have been wronged but i have spent my fair share time willing the karma credit program to get even with certain people.   It may be religion, age, maturity, or the right mix of medications, but i just don't like to spend too much time in the negativity of unforgiveness.  I have realized that if someone is hateful to me, it has more to do with them than it does me and i say a prayer that god will heal their heart. 

i had an older gentleman come in one morning, he wanted to make a tag for his dog.  I explained the tags we had, he picked one out and i gave him the tokens.  He started getting hateful about how he didn't want to have to make his own tag and he didn't know how to use a computer.  I really wanted to tell him to get bent and just leave.  I finally touched his hand and told him i would help him.  I walked to the machine and input his information, while the machine was engraving his tag i said a prayer that God would heal his heart from whatever had happened in his life that made him so hateful to other people.  I looked up and he actually started a decent conversation with me, i don't think that he ever apologized, but he did act like a human being and more importantly treated me like one as well. 

the worst customer i ever had, i was at my previous employer.  A lady came in and i was unable to do what she wanted, the exact way she wanted it, and she proceeded to chew me out and when she finished, she wanted me to recap what i "learned today".   Needless to say i didnt tell her what was on my mind. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

cat litter conundrum

there is an on going battle in my house

the litter box is in my office, since they are my babies.  I like to walk around my house with no shoes and i cannot stand to walk on the litter that has been tracked from the box.  Fred has to dig like she is going to china and feels as though she hasn't done a proper job of covering her "business" unless she has flung litter across the room. 

since i work at a pet store, i quiz people on their choice of cat litter.  I was told by a very reliable source that the litter labeled as the best wasn't in fact the best.  I am not great at scooping my litter box so i looked into the automated options and decided on the one with the least amount of consumables to buy.  I have spoke to a customer who absolutely loved theirs.  It is suppose to last a month with one cat so i figured i should only have to change it twice a month, the cartridges are around $20.00, but i figured that was a small price to pay so that my babies would have a clean place to do their business.  I purchased a separate litter box with high sides and bought pine pellet cat litter.  I really do like the litter, but it isn't for scoopers, it doesn't really hide the smell either.  I went to a recycled pellet and really liked the price, the green quality of the product, and best yet, no tracking.  You just dump the entire thing into a trash bag, throw away and fill with more.  You can get about 3-4 fillings out of a big bag which is under $20.  There is still the issue of smell.  So, i bought the big bouda cat box (about $60), which is covered and has a ramp that leads to the inside of the cat box.  This is helpful to get the cat litter off their little paws so i don't walk on it and it has a cover so when Fred feels the need to dig to china it stays in the box.  It also has a carbon filter on top, which the first time you put it together, it is a bit confusing to figure out.  My only issue is that the top doesnt fit snuggly enough that when my cats are lazy and use the back of the box to pee, it leaks onto the floor.  I know if i scooped more they would fully enter the box.

So the winner is clay scoopable cat litter in a covered box.  I still have some tracking but the smell issue is much better. 

I did try the ground up corn litter and i think this is only for people who are scoopers and it is very light so it tracks horribly.  Also it didn't seem to be very absorbent because i had to clean the bottom of the box which i never had to do with the pellets.  Maybe i will try the pellets in the covered box and see how that works.  I am really not happy having to vacuum so much.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

camping out

has anyone else noticed that walmart is the modern day KOA?

when i was kid and we used to travel to the west coast, KOAs were awesome, they had a pool and a vending machine and there would be other kids to play with (since i was essentially an only child).

now when i get to work in the morning, i notice an assortment of RVs and semis parked in the walmart parking lot.  When you think of it, it does make sense, most walmarts are open 24/7, there is a grocery store, lots of lighting and a huge parking lot.  I suppose that walmart doesn't care, they don't seem to run them off.  When i was an assistant at a big box store, the man in charge of maintenance would call and be upset if we had large vehicles like that parked in our lot because they would do damage if parked there too long and too often. I am not sure what he was so upset about, it isn't as if we owned the parking lot and had to do the maintenance. 

one thing i have noticed is the lack of homeless people and their signs.  I am not sure if they were ran off or received enough money to leave this town.  If i were homeless, i would pick somewhere with better weather...a place with weather more hospitable to standing outside.  However, i did see the homeless guy that used to stand at the vi dock by the liquor store, he has moved down the street to a busier intersection.  I didn't get to see his sign today, so i am not sure what his issue was. 

the story the news didnt tell

last night i was glued to the television like most people.  My husband and i left about 7:30 because we had tickets to a play. 

as i was watching the coverage of the house and the boat, i had this monologue going through my head of some poor guy getting his behind handed to him by his wife

"you just had to have a boat, didn't you?"  "don't think that you are buying another one with the insurance money and you better hope that i don't lose my house because some guy is hiding in that boat you JUST HAD to HAVE" 

and then there were the neighbors
"you JUST HAD to HAVE a boat"  "why don't you just get a boat storage like everyone else?"

*i am very grateful that those people were gotten out of their house alive as i am sure that they were, but you know that poor guy is going to take a ribbing from his friends. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

karma or is it irony??

oh how i love irony and karma

 i watched a show the other night about a lady that robbed a bank with her girlfriend and three children (i am not sure why she thought this was a good idea, drugs were probably involved).  The lady and her girlfriend got into a fight and the girlfriend was left at a rest stop in Mexico, they both had different versions of the story at this point.  The girlfriend (who only had one peso and didnt speak spanish) was taken to the federals, called her family and got a bus ticket back to the United States.  The lady and her three kids went to an ex boyfriends house and he allowed them to stay.  She and the ex got back together and he was abusing her, she decided that she would exchange some of the robbery money for pesos.  She was jumped by two guys and they took all of the money that she had stolen from the bank (irony or karma, cant decide).  The boyfriend kept demanding money for his girlfriend and her children to stay, her mother would wire her money and the boyfriend kept beating her.  She and one of her sons became very sick, none of the Mexican doctors could cure her, she begged the boyfriend to take her to an American doctor where she found out that she had hepatitis A.  She got better and left the boyfriend to get a job where she made $5 a day.  She was eventually arrested when her mother came to visit, the good thing was the children were now safe. 

She is now serving time in prison....where her living conditions are much better than any that she had since she had robbed the bank.  Bless her heart. 

the mean girl

yesterday i had to deal with a woman who was the mean girl that never grew up from high school and i just have a feeling i am not done with her yet

she is the president of a volunteer adoption group that i established relationship with when i first took over my store.  The founder is probably one of the nicest ladies i have had the pleasure of knowing.  The mean girl was in two weeks ago on a Saturday doing adoptions, i stopped by the area and played with the dogs, talked with one of the volunteers, and went on with my day.  My department manager called me later that night and said the mean girl called her and complaining about adoption prices being changed, then insinuated that another department manager and an ex volunteer had changed the prices.  Bobbi finally had enough and hung up on the mean girl.  Bobbi immediately called me and told me the story.  I took my week off, when i came back i asked the department manager if he had said anything to the mean girl and he did introduce himself to her, but did not address the insinuations.  Unfortunately, this isn't the first issue that i have had with the mean girl talking down to my staff.  I spent some time thinking about her demeanor and it didn't sit well with me.  I had called the founder and she had no issue with me asking the mean girl to not come in my building anymore.  She had bullied everyone in that organization and ran off most of the good help.  As luck would have it, she called me yesterday morning to tell me that she was sending me a certified letter.  I did not have the time to discuss this issue with her, but asked for her phone number so that i could call her back.  I called her back and told her that i had an issue with the phone call that she had made on that Saturday night and i would like to hear her side of the story.  She never did tell me her side of the story, insisting that she must send it to me in this certified letter.  She did tell me that she had a problem with my staff.  I politely told her that i didn't think that she realized how she came across to people and that my staff viewed her approach as talking down to them.  Since she did not seem interested in discussing the issues at hand, i told her that i did not think that it was a good idea that she came into building as a representative of her organization any more. 

Thankfully, she resigned as president last night.  The founder was so excited this morning and told me that she thought mean girl had come across her match, when she crossed me.  I thought, i have spent my whole life letting people like that make me feel less than them.  I was nervous speaking with her, but i did not lose my cool and i acted professional. 

When i told my management staff that mean girl wasn't allowed in the building, they all asked me what she did now.  I told them that i would not tolerate her talking down to people and calling one of my employees integrity into question.  I think that made my other department manager feel good.  I wouldn't allow one of my employees to cause that kind of drama, i wont allow someone who i have invited into my building to act like that.  If she had an issue, why did she not address it, in person with me, earlier that day?  Why, because she had already tried to stir the pot with me and i wouldn't participate. 

Since the mean girl doesn't work, she spends her time on the Internet digging up all the dirt she can on people that have crossed her.  She actually was involved with getting one of the volunteers dismissed from her workplace.  I am sure that i am in her cross hairs and that my name has been googled on more than one occasion in the last 24 hours.  I googled it once, seems that i share my name with a popular DJ in Chicago, go me.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


my aunt is the one who inspired me to start my blog, she is an excellent story teller.  She has one of those tickers on the side of her page that states where her visitors are visiting from.  I noticed one of them was from "Surprise, Arizona".  I want to move there so when people ask where i am from, i can yell "SURPRISE!". 

She also wrote about how you could take an authentic wagon wheel ride through the country, even though the wagon was retrofitted with some more up to date amenities, she started to question how authentic the wagon really was. All i could think of was, people want to pay money to be miserable?  I like climate control, i love my heated seats, i love the fact that i can remotely start my car, and if it is actually nice enough outside to enjoy the weather i have a sun roof.  I also like shocks and struts and padded seats.  I like to get places in a reasonably amount of time, not the casual pace of a horse who will sometimes have to take care of his business and i get the pleasure of smelling it.  My husband has clip on air fresheners for his vents (i picked lemon and had to throw mine away). I don't think the wagon ride comes with strawberry air fresheners to take care of the crap smell.  My dad would like to do that, he would be the only person i would do that with, just because he would quote John Wayne movies and we have the same twisted sense of humor. 

the wand waver

judge not least you be judged.........easier said than done

growing up in a small town, we didn't have a paper and didn't really need one.  It is amazing how dysfunctional you think your family is compared to others.  When i was 25 and got married, i soon realized every family was dysfunctional, it was just how outwardly dysfunctional you appeared to society.  I grew up in a town without a stop light, my parents were divorced when i was nine and i chose to live with a man who wasn't my biological father.  I was just about as dysfunctional as you could appear. 

There was a lady, she was our girl scout troop leader, her daughter was my age, they lived in a house with a pool.  I yearned for that kind of belonging.  I jumped off the high dive because this lady told me i could do it (i am scared to death of heights).  The only issue, her husband looked like a serial killer and was caught years later waving his wand.  Supposedly, he was sitting in his car at the lake exposing himself to people as they walked by.  He left his job, or i am sure was asked to leave since he taught at the college, but stayed in the same small town.  I cannot even begin to imagine how horrible this was for his wife and family.  I saw him when i was at lunch with my husband a couple of weeks ago, i got up from the booth and saw him, i was so surprised to see him and his wife that i just walked to the foyer.  My husband asked me why i had just left him at the table and i told him about the man sitting behind me, my husband said the man just kept staring at him.  I know, there is no way that he could remember me, but he still gave me the creeps. 

The Internet is so great, you can stalk people and never leave your house.  I googled this man last night, he is the ministry of music at the church in our small town.  WHAT???  I instantly pick up the phone and call Butch.  "Hello".  "Do you remember John Doe" (not his real name).  Yes, i have this horrible habit of launching into a conversation before the other person on the end of the line has time to realize who i am and what i am talking about (don't you people have caller ID).  "Uh, no".  I am outraged "The guy who worked at the college and was caught exposing himself to women".  "Oh, yeah".  "You know he is the ministry of music at the first baptist church and he was never charged?" This is the one thing that the child of parents who were in law enforcement should be well aware of.  People make deals, people sweep things under the rug, and the good ole boys club is alive and well.  Butch wasn't even shocked by this. 

I got up this morning and was still judging this man for something that he had supposedly done.  In the shower i had to remind myself that it isn't right for me to judge other people and that holding on to something that did or did not happen two decades ago and telling other people is just gossip.  Gossiping is a sin, so is judging other people, even if they do look like a serial killer and give me the creeps. 

Monday, April 15, 2013

why i hate checkwriters

in my neck of the woods, people still write checks, love to write their checks.  I get a call in my office, this old lady had two checks when she left the house today.  She had already written the name of the merchants on the checks that she had planned to make purchases at for the day (why, i have no idea).  When she went to the beauty supply she wrote that amount on the check that she had meant to pay for her dog grooming, this was a big tragedy.  I told her to write the correct amount in the box, scribble out the wrong amount, initial it and as long as the amount in the box matched the spelled out amount on the line, the bank would take the check.  I am the only one who took home ec where i was taught to write out a check and what to do if i made a mistake.  People, if you love your time wasting checks so much, shouldn't you know what to do in this situation???

this is why i hate people with checks.....they stand there watching me ring up every item.  I give them their total, this is when it dawns on them that they must now pay for their purchases, so they start digging through their bag.  I wont judge, i carry a lot of stuff in my bag, but for heaven's sake, what were you doing while you were standing in line, did you think it would be free?  Finally, they find their checkbook, then they start digging for a pen.  "Here, use mine", i say.  Then the questions start, "where am i", "what is today's date", "how much was that"?  Then we must make sure we write what the check was for in the memo line (this takes a moment because they have already forgotten what they got) on the bottom of the check.  We must also make sure that we put the check in the journal (i cannot tell you the last time i used my journal).  "I need to see your drivers license" and the treasure hunt ensues again.  I really want to scream "JOIN THE 21ST CENTURY AND GET A CHECK CARD FOR PETE'S SAKE".

my mother LOVES her checks, she LOVES to balance her checkbook, she will spend HOURS looking for a dime.  I have tried to point out that she has spent more time looking for that dime than it is worth.  I on the other hand, just hit an ATM and whatever total it tells me i am good with....why, because in all of my check writing adulthood, if there was a mistake.  I was the one that made it, never the bank, it was my inability to add or subtract.  Which you would think as an accounting major i would have mastered by now.

no money for ransom

listening to NPR this morning and there is an author, Daniel Handler aka Lemony Snicket that writes teen novels and he had just written a children's book about the dark.  He said that when he was growing up, he was always scared that he would be kidnapped.  I am not sure at what age his mother told him that they really didn't have any money so no one would want to kidnap him because there wasn't any money to pay a worthy ransom.  He stated that he wished that his mother had told him this before because he had spent considerable time worrying about being taken.  He is two years older than i am and i never thought that anyone would take me for money, thank you butch, they were going to take me for revenge. 

last year i planted flowers in my flower bed because i was too embarrassed to put my sign in my yard and have people drive by and be more focused on the weeds growing in my flower bed and what a bad reflection that would have on me.  I planted mostly bulbs, it occurred to me the other day that none of my flowers were blooming.  Today i went out to see mostly weeds and thought to myself there was no way for anything else to bloom, the weeds had taken over.  While i was weeding the flower garden i was thinking about my husband and how overwhelmed he is with his new club.  My paranoia started taking over, how do i know that he is actually at a club function every night this week and next, because he had to get together a costume.  This could all be a ruse, then why would he go to Mr. X's place of business and buy that vest.  I started thinking of Mr. X and that ordeal, maybe he didn't pick me because i was too fat.  He was too fat, who is he to judge?  What would my life be like now if things had worked out differently.  I will tell you how, i would be living with a perfectionist who couldn't keep his unit in his pants. 

isn't it amazing how fortunate i am things didn't work out the way i thought they should at the time, but i am still trying to find fault with myself and what i did wrong.  Face it, no one wants to be rejected, we all love the feeling of being pursued.  I have learned one thing the ones that try the hardest to pursue you, will run the other way just as fast when you stop running. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

too school for cool

i am watching a TV show about cocaine and this guy is smoking crack, the moment he finishes he says that he starts to feel tense and he suddenly becomes paranoid. 

all i can think is that i feel this way everyday, why would someone intentionally want to feel this way and waste a lot of money at the same time?  Crack is essentially cocaine cut with baking soda and there is a guy in new york city who will deliver it to your house via bicycle.  I cant remember which one my ex husband was on, crack or crank, but according to the bicycle delivery guy crank is so low class, you have to stand on the street corner to acquire crank. 

i am so thankful that i didn't get hooked on drugs, i tried acid once and all it did was make me unable to sleep...i can that do all by myself, thank you very much.  I was very lucky the time, place, and friends that i had in high school all looked down on drugs, cigarettes weren't even cool.  We did drink a lot and at times i wondered if i had issues with alcohol.  Years ago when i was living with the mean drunk, i would drink a twelve pack daily.  I would be having a bad day and think i couldn't wait to get home and have a beer.  Essentially when i quit smoking, i quit drinking.  I wasn't sure what to look forward to for stress relief, which was when i started eating, my sweet tooth going into overdrive. 

a guy i dated in high school just out of the penitentiary for trafficking illegal drugs, he served 4 years.  This is the same guy that robbed a convenience store for beer and cigarettes, stopping to pick out a pair of sunglasses.  He thought the place was empty because it was closed, but the owner was living in the store and he came out with a shotgun, covering the new truck that his aunt had just bought him with bullet holes.  He then deserted the truck on a dirt road and reported it stolen.  When we were in high school, him and his best friend watching jeopardy and were able to answer almost all of the questions correctly, it blew me away.  What really floors me is that he is still playing the same reindeer games that he played in high school.  I just assumed that we had all grown out of that, gotten married, a mortgage, a job, and some of us had children.  I imagine that it wont be long before he is back at it, thinking that he is smarter than the police and he will get caught once again.  Oops, looks like he still has an outstanding warrant in Cherokee county for littering in a scenic stream and no seat belt.  The really sad part of this whole story is that he had a free ride to college, was going to become a radiologist.  I saw him before he went away, he was selling cars, was getting divorced (i found a few restraining orders), and was the same guy i knew from high school.  There is nothing more sad in life than someone who had all of the opportunities in life but chose to piss them away, what a waste of talent. 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

latch key kid

i really must stop listening to talk radio, there was a story of a couple that left their four children aging from 4 to 13 for an entire week so they could go on vacation to madi gras.  Somehow they had an arrangement with an 18 year old to stop by and check on the children and the parents would call and check on them as well.  People in the audience were outraged and this started a discussion of what age and for how long do you leave children alone.  One lady actually said that no child under the age of 18 should ever be left alone.  All i could think of was i hope that child doesn't leave to go to college, poor kid wont have a clue what to do with all of that freedom. 

I was a latch key kid (that was the phrase in the early 80's when both parents worked or the child only lived with one parent and came home to an empty house).  I was one of those children, i got home from school at 4:30 and butch usually came home anywhere from 5:30 to midnight depending on the day.  I would get so scared and all Butch would tell me is "no one is going to mess with you all the way out here" and all i could think of was if they did, no one would hear me scream.  He was usually gone all day Saturday and Sunday for baseball games and depending if it were a home or away game, it would be late when he came home from that as well.  I really got used to spending time alone, that was especially difficult when i got married and i would come home to someone who actually wanted to talk.  Now i am used to it, rarely do i get to stay home alone, except this weekend and it is really weird, but i didn't feel guilty about spending my day in bed.  I will admit, it was kind of freaky when Mr. B woke me up by sticking his cold, wet nose up to mine at 6:30 am. 

The question has finally been answered, Barbara will no longer be allowed to drive.  She was going to one of the high schools yesterday, came down the off ramp and didn't even touch the brakes at the stop sign.  Luckily, the driver wasn't going 80 (as most drivers are known to do on that road) and she was hit on the passenger side.  The car is probably totaled, but i no longer have to keep my eye out for a red Camry...now i just need to know what color the car mother driving is.  Three weeks ago, my husband and i went to a funeral and my mother in law left before us, there was a train on the track so i got in the left hand lane, she was in the middle lane.   My husband and I just assumed she was going to Ross's building, NOPE, she just made a left hand turn right in front of us from the middle lane. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

you cannot make this stuff up

Sincerly, my aunt is the FUNNIEST person that i know....i stole this from her blog, so if you EVER doubt that our family should get a discount for crazy....here you go


I spoke with my brother this morning and we went through the tornado drill...... Last time there was a tornado literally half a block from his house....he told me he didn't go to the cellar (in his back yard) because he was "Stoned in the kitchen". What he meant was he was "Stunned"...... Cracked me up. His neighbors were in his cellar but he was "stoned in the kitchen".

So....I've been trying to help him prepare for the possibility of going to his cellar. We have flashlights ready etc. but he hit me with...."What if the sirens blow and I'm in bed"?

I told him to just get up and get his flashlight and go down to the backyard and get in the cellar.

"But I'll be naked" he responded.

TMI...................I asked him if he knows where he keeps his clothes? He responded, "Yeah". I then said, "Well put them on and then go to the cellar."

He told me he would rather get in the bathtub naked.

I give up............guess he'll be stoned in the tub this time!

warning will rogers, warning

this is my rant today

made it to my meeting this morning at 6:30 am.....yes, i have decided that the president is either the most ignorant person i have EVER met or sly as a fox.  It is amazing how he seems to only hear what he wants.  If you ask him a question he doesnt like or doesnt want to answer, he just acts like he doesnt hear it.  I want to scream at him " ou were looking at me, you SAW my lips moving, DONT ACT LIKE YOU DONT HEAR ME!!!"  This morning he asked me for a list of his board members, i told him to ask his secretary....who exactly does he call when he calls people to remind them of the board meeting, whoever he fancies on the contact list?  There was a city councilman at the meeting this morning and bless his heart, he asked if anyone had questions.  It is absolutely amazing how many ideas people have, but no one EVER seems to want to get off the behind and do something.  Our president decided that it would be a great idea if the blinds were all straightened in a building that was abandoned....this would make it look not so abandoned...okay.

I get home, start working on invoices, my husband is taking the dogs to the vet.   I go to the bank, run several other errands and it is time to go get the dogs.  I go and get the dogs, come home, husband wants to go eat.  He walks out the door to the garage as i go to turn off the light in the kitchen so i don't have to hear him complain and Mr. B is taking off out the door.  I yell for my husband to catch him, but he isn't quick enough.  I know this drill, i cant run fast enough to catch him, my husband walking down the street as i go to get in my car to get the dog.  I am driving all over the neighborhood and my husband finally gets in the car.  An hour later we get a phone call, he is at a school on the other side of the neighborhood. 

I cannot stand people who waste time talking about things they will never do.  I don't EVER talk about what i will do, say, or wear when i am a size 6.....why, because i will NEVER be a size 6.   I HATE  being in charge, which is why i kill myself to go to school.  I want a job that i make good money, but i don't have to be in charge. 

For one day i want to be able to live in land of these people.  The land where straightened blinds would make the entire city look SO much better.  The land of where i can crap a million dollars to buy into a franchise and have my stressed out/depressed wife worry about it. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

loving conditionally

I used to go through all of my adoptive fathers mail and sort the bills.  Taking the statement and putting it with the envelope, so that when he was paid once a month, he could pay all of the bills.  He kept getting these statements from DHS and i really had no idea what they were for.  I just kept putting them in a pile.  I once showed them to one of his girlfriends.  Turns out they were statements for child support, because this student had listed him as the father on the birth certificate?  My mother always said that i did to be vindictive and cause him trouble.  The problem was that i really liked this girlfriend and i really didn't want her to go anywhere. 

The various women that came and went, the dirty books, magazines, and movies that were left all over the house. This is where i get my view of sex as being something ugly, not something beautiful to be shared between two people who really care for each other. Women were a conquest to Butch, his ego had to have it, as if he had to prove he wasn't the pimple faced nerd from high school. Women were objectified, not to be respected, they were a piece of ass for his enjoyment with no other purpose in this world. Sister and i would hate it when we would go to a restaurant and he would flirt with the waitress, or better yet, hit on her friends.

It became even worse when i got older and he continued to date young women.  Once i went to a party and the chic he was dating wasn't even 21...everyone kept asking me if my "stepmother" asked me to buy her beer, would i contribute to the delinquency of a minor?

He actually had a conversation with me once about keeping a man happy in bed so he wouldn't stray, really??  He always said that my mother conditionally loved him.  I spent my life striving to unconditionally love, always thinking that if i stood up for myself and was selfish that i would be like my mother (which was obviously a bad thing).

lack of color

today is my third day of vacay and i did manage to leave the house.......to go to the dreaded grocery store.....i wanted to make a banana pudding recipe that calls for cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk, and cool whip.  My husband and i ran across town to the pharmacy so that he could pick a prescrip and then we picked up dinner on the way home.  I didn't have the energy to cook and shop on the same night.  I had laid out the cool whip and cream cheese to let them soften while i was gone.  I came home to the bananas on the floor and a missing package of cream cheese.  We walked the entire house and all i could find way a few pieces of the end of the package of cream cheese.  I think Mr. B ate the entire package foil and all, good thing the dogs are going to the vet tomorrow.  I hope he doesn't have any issues passing it. 

I had to go back to grocery store to get my cream cheese and the oatmeal that i forgot earlier...yeah, two trips the the store in one day.  YEAH!

I am looking forward to this being my last week of doing taxes.  I haven't sat down to figure out what i plan on doing for the summer or the fall.  I have to get off my butt this week. 

I watched an interview today with Jane Fonda and her adoptive daughter Mary Ann Williamson (i think that was her name).  Her father was an officer in the black panther group and her mother worked for the panthers as well.  Her uncle had got her involved in an acting camp that was sponsored by Jane Fonda.  She said that she didn't realize that she was poor until she started to unpack at acting camp, the other girls had so many clothes.  The interviewer said that the little girls that had the day of week panties symbolized money to her when she was growing up.  Jane talked about asking her to come and live with her after 3 summers at the acting camp and the lessons that she learned.  Poor people don't think of the future more than a week at a time, middle class plan on going to school, finishing college.  I thought the greatest part of the story was living in the Southeast and she felt more prejudice from her own people than she did from the white people.  This is how i felt when i transferred schools in middle school.  I had never interacted with angry black people.  I definitely felt as though they were more prejudiced against me than i ever was to them. 

Last weekend my husband and i went out for dinner at a local bar b que restaurant.  There was a party in the back room, two large families came in and there were even two local college girls enjoying dinner.  This black couple came in, i didn't think a thing about it, they were nicely dressed and carried themselves well.  My husband made a comment about them feeling odd in an all white restaurant.  I told him i hadn't thought twice.  He gave me the greatest compliment, he said i was different than most people, i didn't see color.  EXCELLENT!!!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

trailer trash

moving from the beach in California to Warner America was quite a shock, we lived in a duplex on campus.  I don't really remember it, except i could walk out my front door to the bus stop.  It must have been bad, because my mother actually moved us into a trailer house.  Now they are referred to as "manufactured homes", but we lived in a trailer house.  I really think the only thing that could have made it more white trash was to take the wheels off and put them on the roof.  I never understood why people did that, unless they were afraid someone would steal them or they would lose them. 

I think now you can actually paint the walls in a "manufactured home" but we had either wood grain paneling or paneling with the ugliest design possible.  The ceiling didn't have sheets of drywall, it was another textured panel that was secured with screws.  Since it wasn't drywall, the fasteners weren't able to be disguise with mud and tape, someone came up with the bright idea to use plastic flower pieces to try and make the screws look decorative.  Mother always said she wanted to unscrew those flowers and see if the ceiling would fall down.  I found out years later that since trailer houses are put together with glue, they attract roaches, using the glue as a food source.  I was told once that roaches would lay their eggs in the fiber of paper products, even to this day, i don't keep a paper bag in my house for very long for fear of roaches. 

The spot on the land that was picked for the trailer wasn't level, so the front of the trailer was about five feet off the ground and the back of the trailer practically sat on the ground. I am sure it was a financial decision to not put skirting around the bottom of the trailer, so it was just used for storage. Butch even stored his playboy magazines on the wet ground. The only thing missing from this mental picture is a broken down car on cinder blocks.  We had the next best thing, a catamaran.  Why my adoptive father thought having a catamaran in Oklahoma was a good idea, no one knows for sure.  I do know that the boat never saw water unless it rained.  I once thought it would be cool to plant morning glories, which quickly engulfed the boat with their very invasive vines.  A kid came to the house one day selling something and actually offered to buy that boat, the man wouldn't sell it.  I was thinking if that kid was brave enough to dig it out of the jungle and fight all of the critters who lived in it, he could have it!!!

Years later, my grandmother would complain about how cold the house was that she paid to have a skirting put around the bottom of that trailer.  Bob Villa, my adoptive father was not, so he hired someone to put sheets of plywood around the bottom of the trailer.  He must have hired Larry, Darryl and Darryl.  I am certain this was not an improvement, plain sheets of plywood, sitting on the wet ground with no paint or polyurethane to protect the wood from the elements.  The trailer had already sat for years, animals tearing out the insulation and making it their home.  I was in high school when the skunk moved in, i was terrified that me and all of my clothes would smell like skunk.  I already had a horrible self esteem and i didn't need this help. 

I still to this day sleep better in a house that is freezing, my poor husband swears that i am trying to give him pneumonia.  I cant help it, my adoptive father said we couldn't afford to heat that trailer, so i learned to pile on more blankets, clothes, whatever and just deal.  I didn't know any different, my bff wasn't much better off, they lived in a 2 story house and used the wood burning stove to heat their house....which is why the electric blanket is our best friend. 

The womanizer that my adoptive father was, he used to bring home various women to have sex with.  He had a water bed and when the motion of the ocean got to moving, the entire trailer would shake.  The first time this ever happened i had a friend staying the night and we just knew that there was a monster outside trying to roll the trailer over.  We kept hearing moaning and screaming coming from the bedroom, but we were so young, we hadn't a clue what was happening.  I was scared and didn't know what was happening, the house was shaking, it was night, in the middle of nowhere, a perfect scene from a horror movie. 

little red corvette

it is Sunday and our ritual is to go to the donut shop, me, Mr B, and Paisely.  I stop and kiss my sleeping husband on the head to ask if he would like anything, his response was "more sleep".  I help Ms. Pookie into the back of my car and my husband calls me, so i walk back into the house where i am greeted with a big hug and his breakfast order.  We hear the horn honk and he asks me who was in the car....."who do you think", they were tired of waiting on their mommy and wanted to roll!!!  I now roll down the windows and take the long way home so Mr. B can hang his head out the window.  I am thinking of getting a vanity plate "B RIDE"

I read a post on facebook about children born in the seventies and how hard we had it; no cell phones, ps3, the Internet was dragging your behind to the library and searching the card catalog, we had cassette tapes and downloading music was waiting for the radio to play your favorite song where you quickly had to push record and hope the DJ didn't talk over the best part. 

I think we had more of an innocence back then, my bff and i lived in the country and there was only access to 4 channels, ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS.  The only scandolous thing you ever saw on TV was the occasional mini series like "Thornbirds" when the preist kissed a woman.  In the summer her mother would only allow us to watch one hour of TV per day, and she NEVER turned on the air conditioner.  My bff once wrote a speech about why she hated channel 3 (PBS), mostly it was because her mother and my adoptive father made us watch it.  When the movie "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" came out with Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds, the news would have to bleep out the word "Whore" when reviewing the movie.  I am quite sure that the news wouldn't have been talking about the movie if it had not have been for the title. 

We were so naive, due to lack of exposure.  I didn't even realize that the song "little red corvette" was about sex until i was in college.  My mother once heard the latest Madonna song "Pappa don't preach" and was understandably concerned about someone we adored singing about being pregnant.  I was in California that summer and wrote my bff a letter telling her what my mother had said and how crazy that sounded.  Turns out she was right, but we were so sheltered, we weren't even kissing boys at this time in our life and the thought of having sex was just too embarrassing. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

unrealistic fears

remember when you could tape a penny to a card, mail it in and get 7 or 10 or 12 cassette tapes or albums for that penny........

not really, but i was nine or ten and not well versed in reading the small print or mailing back the cards to reject the next monthly selection.  I am not sure why my adoptive father never questioned why i was getting mail or boxes or had cassettes and obviously lots of them.  I finally received a letter from a collection agency stating that i owed a massive amount of money and if i didn't pay that i would be sued......in court.  That letter kept me up at night.  I had no idea what to do or how to pay this huge amount of money.  Suddenly, that penny didn't sound like such a good idea.  I went to my mother's one weekend and hid the letter under my bed.  I wasn't able to sleep, so i told her about the letter and how i was going to be sued.  I remember her laughing, that throw your head back cackle that she had and she told me that i couldn't be sued because i didn't own anything.  I felt better until she told me that she could be sued though, now i felt worse.  I gave her the letter and she took care of the horrible situation that had been keeping me up at night.  Gosh, those were the good ole days of mom coming in and waking me up when i would be coughing in my sleep to give me NyQuil or rub Vick's vapor rub on my back.  I really do wish i had more memories like that.

It is funny that i always seemed to keep that letter under my bed.  I guess i did that so i would always know where it was at, now i have a cat under my bed and a faucet in a box with a free towel rack and toilet paper holder that i was going to put in my bathroom when i remolded it.  My husband doesn't like the faucet, so i guess it will continue to stay under my bed, better than a letter threatening a lawsuit.....as for the cat, time to get her and go to bed.


ants in a bucket....tony used to say

"ever watched a bunch of ants stuck in a bucket......if one starts to crawl their way out, the rest of the ants pull him back down"

women are very bad at this, it is as if we believe there is only so much happiness to go around

this is why we pick the bad guy, we think that IF we are special enough, he will change for us and this will prove to the entire world that we are so special....like the princess kissing the frog to find her prince (no wonder we are so messed up). 

if i am not watching something random on TV, i am listening to it on the radio (what did i do before satellite radio).  There was a couple who had been together about three years and engaged for two of those years, they were asking the question, should they get married or not.  Apparently, she had the vision of a perfect wedding and he was smart enough to figure out that if she didn't get it that he would pay dearly.  She wanted their relationship to be perfect, no, she wanted him to be perfect.  She corrected the way he ate, dressed, spoke.....  When he would try to express doubts about getting married, she would cry, and he would back off.  He thought she would get the message by finding him in bed with two women (go big or go home).  The shrink pointed out to the girl that he had made a list of all of the good things that she had said about her future husband and it was....he was cute and he had potential.  STOP RIGHT THERE. 

I am no longer listening to this train wreck and i am thinking of my disastrous love life, POTENTIAL.  Let us start with my first husband, he was going to be an Ag teacher and i was going to be his loving wife......WRONG.  He ended up moving back in with mommy and daddy driving a school bus.  Bachelor #2, he was a driver for Coke, had owned his own business, been in the military and had driven a BMW (i guess i should have asked what the stood for).  He was a sociopath, cheated on me SEVERAL times and left me broke and broken.  Bachelor #3, he was a "project coordinator"......uh, no....he was a mean drunk with a bad back. 

I was always scared to leave these relationships for fear that these guys/boys might actually get their act together and i wouldn't be there to enjoy the fruits of my labor (aka the bad boy changing for me because i was SPECIAL).....little yellow bus to school special. 

I am the queen at seeing the potential.  I have learned that sometimes you want things for people more than they want those things for themselves. 

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

bulk discount for crazy???

thank you to everyone who said a prayer for me this week, my RVP isnt going to make it this trip, my new guy did a good job and we only had 2 pallets of freight to finish.....thank you

i am still so exhausted this week and i fear that i am getting sick, slept horribly last night.  My husband had to go to the election board to pick up the ballots last night.  Very rarely i am in the house alone and never at night.  I had issues going to sleep last night, i could just picture some intruder walking through my bedroom door.  Yes, i get how paranoid this is, considering i own two dogs who dont even like the UPS guy at the door.  I finally fell asleep, kind of, then my husband came home and i was able to drift into a deep sleep.  I woke up at midnight, coughing. The rest of the night (morning, rather) i spent having nightmares of varying people trying to kill me.  I got up late this morning, was late to get Steve, late to my optimist meeting, where i was greeted with a "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN".  I didnt even have a chance to answer, before i had to give a rather pathetic state of address about a chamber event which the brochure with all of the information was sitting in my binder on the kitchen counter.  Mr. B was so generous to pick up my coffee cup and spill cofffee all over my optimist binder and i didnt notice that until this morning when i went to pick it up, so i just left it. 

My dad sent me a text today, he had been asking about my old shrink and it seems as though he diagnosis all of his patients with bi polar and prescribes them the same medicine.  I told him that i knew he was worthless, unless you are a pill head, and i already had a new appointment with a new shrink at the OU medical center.  Ironically, they asked me if anyone in my family had been there before....i should have asked if we get a bulk discount.  There is enough crazy in my family to go around. 

Monday, April 1, 2013

busy day

i am just not sure how i am going to make it through this week.  I have a new guy working tonight, probably 21 pallets of freight to go out, which means that there will be four pallets of repacks to go out before Thursday.  My hip already hurts...i am getting way too old for this crap. 

i had a board meeting at 6:30 am and went to pick up Steve, which was a great idea, because he was finally able to get a halfway straight answer from our president about the promoter of this bike ride that i haven't heard one good thing about.  I am going to have to go to another board meeting IF he can get this so called promoter to show up, but i am not holding my breath.  I took Steve to the VA, finally put gas in my car, then went to the tint shop to drop my car off.  My husband picked me up and brought me home to pick up his other truck, i went to the store and worked on scrubbing more wax off of kickplates.  I went to lunch, came home, went to the dry cleaners, took my husband back to work, came home and took two conference calls while i tried to find some information on a bike ride for optimist.  No nap for me today.  I went to Walgreen's bought some pain relieving pm and hope that i sleep like the dead, because i need it. 

i just have five days then i get a week off for vacation, i have my appointment with my new shrink.  I am so not looking forward to it, but something has to give.  I have been better able to at least not spend both of my days off in bed, but now i am down to just one.  I really hope that she is able to help me, because this has been going on for too long. 

i have a new show to watch, renovation realities....anyone that has EVER tried to complete a project with their significant other will be able to relate and will realize that everyone else is just the same in their relationship

Bobbi told me today that she bought a rose bush this weekend.  I have a green thumb in the spring but about the time that august gets here and it is 105, i am done. She said that she planted next the air conditioner so that when it gets really hot, the water run off from the condenser will water her rose bush.  I thought that was very smart. 

i saw the cutest little boy tonight at dinner, he just made me smile.  i asked my husband if he thought that we would hate each other and be miserable if we had kids, he jokingly told me that he was married and already miserable.  i just know how the level of difficulty increases when you have children in a marriage, people have different parenting styles and it can cause friction.  I was always so scared to have children because i didn't think that i would be able to be selfless enough to give a child everything that they needed.  People always tried to tell me it would be different when i had my own children, but i never felt that sure in my ability.