turn key

i sat there today in the chair that belonged to my grandmother that my mother sat in at her dying mother's bedside. 

this chair is in my foyer because i have plumbing issues that no one wants to fix. i cant help but feel as though this symbolic of my life.

i texted my bff as i told her that i count the minutes until 5 so that i can feel something different. 

i texted my sister and asked if she thought that our father looked back at his life and think what an amazing job he did with his children? her reply was "ha". i replied with i am sure that he looks at us an ungrateful bastards. she said that she thought that we turned out to be good people despite his insanity and neglect.

i feel as though everything is overwhelming. 

my boss, my leader, my mentor was let go last week. a new normal with the covid. it was all so sad. he didnt even get a chance to say goodbye even though he fiercely fought to do so. i think this was just the needle to the haystack of the continuous bad luck we call 2020.

my bff called me and said "wtf, that was deep". she is my new sanity. 

i am grateful for such an amazing husband that doesnt take it personally when i turn to someone else to heal the pain. 

she told me that she had been dating a guy. the chiropractor we call him. his dad was a neuro surgeon. his parents had money but they had chores. they built the deck on their back porch. he is divorced with children. he lives in a huge nice home. he is renovating the house next to his.

she said they were having a conversation and he said he liked "turn key". i am not sure that he meant anything other that the obvious but we took it to mean something so much deeper. 

my bff is a bad ass, she drives a challenger in which she calls charlie. she likes vintage. she has grandma sweaters that are itchy and unique. 

we decided that neither one of us are turn key but she is way cooler than i will ever be