Monday, December 31, 2012

commitment

Good morning, it is new years eve and i am very thankful to have a few days off. 

There is a new man in my life, well, more like a boy.  I picked him up like i do every other man that has been in my life.  He was wandering the parking lot, kicked to the curb by his previous family.  His name is Buckley and i am in love.  He is a weimaraner and greyhound (at least the doc thinks so), Matt and i think he is part horse.  He has the most beautiful loving, yellow eyes, that just melt your heart when you look at him.  Stefanie found him wandering the parking lot, too thin, and covered with ticks.  You have to realize that this dog is almost as tall as Stefanie when he is just sitting.  She walked over to him and thankfully he didn't eat her (i don't need to be looking for another GSM).  She shyly came to me and told me that she had found a dog (i should've have known by the way she was acting, that something was up).  I told her to call our adoption partner and have him picked up.  I took a few days off and came back, Stacie asked me what she should do with the dog.....he was still there.  Finally getting hold of everyone we could, no one had room for a horse.  Kayla and I went to work, face booking, reaching further out of our network to get him rehomed.  Matt casually asked me why i didn't just bring him home????  Matt came by on Wednesday and i took him out of the kennel and he immediately walked to Matt and buried his head in the crook of Matt's arm.  We decided to take him to the vet.  I wasn't sure how the car ride would go, considering the last car ride he had was to be dropped off.  It took a few moments and then he got in the back of the 4runner.  He sat his behind on the seat and put his front paws on the floorboard....his head in between Matt's and I. 

Life with Buckley....he doesn't understand when the cats run from him, it isn't a invite to play chase.  He continually wants to smell Chloe, who tolerates it for a short period of time.  Buckley found the powdered sugar that someone left behind after Christmas and proceeded to paw paint with it all over the house.  Matt's breaking point is when he got hold of his bible on the entry room table and tore a couple of pages out.  Needless to say, we were bible shopping yesterday. 

Matt looked at me when i got home and told me that Buckley had to find a new home.  It almost broke my heart.  What my husband didn't realize is that i translated his lack of commitment to our new dog, the one that he told me "once we bring him home, he is ours, we wont be bringing him back, so you better be sure", as a general lack of commitment to everything in his life.  If i did too many things that he didn't like, would he kick me to the curb??? 

This is my issue, i don't know how to quit, i have only really worked for 3 companies in my life.  Marriage is forever.  The last time i got divorced, it was only after i was broken.  My mother finally looked at me and said "it is time to get off the horse, it is dead, it has rigarmortis". 

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