Sunday, April 6, 2014

my give a crap is broken

I went and saw my shrink last week.  I have become easily irritated about everything....well, i say that, it seems that way only when i am at work.  I keep dragging my feet about school because i am not really sure how i am going to pay for it.  I already have a balance on my credit card and i keep charging like there is no tomorrow.  Oh well, cant take it with you. 
 
We had a hail storm the other night.  Joe's truck has some hail damage and my roof took a beating.  Now i have a claim and i am worried that my insurance will go up and in the end i will just get screwed.  What is it that they say, expect the worst and hope for the best.  This would pretty much sum up my attitude these days.
 
I have to go out of town may 1st....take my assistant and grooming salon manager.  I have a feeling that my GSM is not going to be able to go, but this doesn't surprise me because she has kids and they are her priority as well as they should be.  My boss wont understand and he will tell me to get rid of her.  Sure, i have a line of people standing waiting to take her position.  Groomers are crazy.  I manage to have two sane ones that do a good job grooming, they are the only two that i have and i don't see any more on the horizon.  That is okay, he will come and see me this week to show me how to sell a dog training class...cant wait.  I am pretty close to telling him where to stick my keys. 
 
I am sorry my give a crap is broken. 
 
I guess it is a good thing that my therapist appointment is tomorrow.  I have been really surprised by the fact that my insurance has done a good job of paying for everything.  I am shocked that they haven't deemed me as an existing condition. 
 
I know what part of my issue is, it is that i have worked in a profession since i was 16 that in order to make others happy you have to wear that mask and i wear it well.  I have worn it for so long i have no clue who i am or what I really want. 
 
My bff and i went to see Joseph and the technicolor something or other and on the way home, she was talking about her new step mom and how she makes everything about her.  She takes the blame for situations that go badly.  I told her that i didn't think that she was trying to make it all about her, it was her generation, where women looked good and tried to make everyone happy and if it didn't go that way then somehow it was their fault.  I am afflicted with that by some degree, so much so, that my give a crap broke. 
 
I think someone could come in and tell me that a bus full of nuns drove off a cliff and i would laugh hysterically, pray to god for me not to go to hell, and then go on with my life. 

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