today i was watching doomsday preppers (cant help it, crazy people are very curious to me....which is why i probably find myself watching ancient aliens at time too). There was a lady, a man, and their 6 year old daughter. They were prepping because of a reoccurring dream that the wife kept having and about a disaster happening (if i made decision based on my dreams.....wow, the thought just scares me). Crazy people are well and good as long as they don't cause harm to others, but all i could think about was the child. I grew up with someone who was paranoid, it is probably why i live on xanax for my anxiety and my doctor thinks that i have PTSD.
Today i thought about my childhood. I think that childhoods should be a carefree time, a time that a child feels safe, and taken care of. I don't think that child feels safe. I spent a few years in my life carefree, feeling safe, and taken care of. I had someone there to make me breakfast, lunch, and dinner......to no one noticing if i ate.
This is why i always feel such an overwhelming since of responsibility for things and people. I am always amazed at how people just check out of their lives when they are having issues. I have so many people that depend on me that regardless of how low i am feeling, i HAVE to show up. I have to put a smile on my face, and i have to make time for others (even when i want to tell them i don't give a f*ck). I have become so conditioned to putting my needs last, which is why my life works out so well.
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