BRF

i cried out to God for help because i knew of nothing else to do besides stand in front of a bus

i was finally able to sit on the bed and just cry last night
cry for my failed marriage
cry for my failed emotional affair
cry for the relationship that i will never have with my mother
cry for the feeling that i had failed God
cry because of my failed RVP visit
cry because i had failed as a manager
cry because my reputation had been defiled at my previous job, that my character was taken into question and no one came to my aid
cry because i felt such sadness
cry because i have felt such sadness for such a long period of time

Joe held me and cried because i am sure that my heartache was so palpable

i don't think that i had cried that much since i was married, maybe that was why i was able to cry yesterday.  I found a book that i had started and i had used the ticket from the family vacation last year as a bookmark.  It was dated yesterday.  I can remember how much Skippy and i fought during that vacation.  I know his family knew the end was near.  He didn't want to go on this vacation with his family, he didn't want to waste his precious time off, even though his parents had paid for everything and his brother had flown in from Nevada.  I was excited to go, i didn't really get to do stuff like that with my parents and his mom was really starting to suffer from the effects of the Alzheimer's.  I couldn't understand why he didn't want to take this last vacation while his mother still might remember.  Maybe he didn't want to go with me, i remember his brother and i having more fun than him and I did. 

BRF.....i laughed when his brother told Skippy that he suffered from BRF (bitchy resting face); google it, it is hilarious