vdays of the past

so they have this little nifty app that takes you back in to time and shows you past fb posts from 1 to 5 years ago

so my "timehop" was

"well didn't that just stink?  If it were Christmas i would say bah humbug, what you say when your vday was horrible?"

this was 4 years ago, skippy was mad at me and kicked me out of the car on okmulgee, he came back and picked me up.  If there was a defining moment for my marriage being over that was the exact moment.  I can remember the way he looked at me, it was the look i had seen on too many guys faces when they snap.  I had to fight with him for two days to get him to apologize and then i heard the motto of every guy that was ever mean to me "I am sorry BUT you made ME do it".  I was so broken hearted because i never thought that he would ever do that to me, i never thought he was capable.  I should have known better, he had treated everyone else in his life like they were beneath him.  I don't know why i thought that i was special.  I guess i was still stuck in my bad boy, i can change them cycle. 

this is how twisted i am, i read that last week and just laughed.  i suppose it was because he couldn't hurt me like that anymore or it was just another learning lesson from my past.  How much that hurt at the time and now it was a joke.

i was watching "married at first sight, the first year" and i could see skippy and i in one of the couples.  She had a really bad childhood to which i cannot compare.  Her husband is beaver cleaver and he really struggles to see where she is coming from. dejavu.  she wants a family so bad and they are very inviting right now.  Please do not expect that to last forever, the moment you hurt their baby boy, they will turn on you like wolves.  Now, you have built your life around them, depending on their encouragement, and one day it will all be gone and you will be lost. 

i saw my ex father in law the other day, said good afternoon, walked on expecting nothing else and he actually sounded happy to see me....i just kept on walking. i don't need anymore heart ache, i think i have enough.  I can finally talk about his parents without crying.

what was it that oprah always says i wouldnt take a nickel for my journey now.