birthdays

yesterday i turned 40

i always have the worst birthdays, it started about the time that i moved back home from Tulsa.  Last year, i served my husband with divorce papers on my birthday, then went and got drunk with my bff (took two days to recover from that one). 

i slept most of the day yesterday, finally Matt became super concerned about me after 14 hours in bed and no notice of my gift that had been in the bathroom all day. 

i am not sure if it is my depression or this congestion that i have been unable to get rid of for the past month that is sucking the life out of me, but something must give...........enough

i never put much thought into what people tell me, if you tell me something, then i usually believe it.....the narcissist used to tell me these grand stories of things that he would do for his ex wife (not really his ex, they didn't get divorced until after he left me for someone else....that should've been a clue) for her birthday.  I cant remember any birthdays we spent together (except his when he left me), but i do remember being upset because i expected these grand plans.  I thought that it meant that i wasn't special.  It is amazing how i have spent my entire life with people who went out of their way to make me feel not special.