forgiveness and karma

forgiveness....i can give you a million quotes, but the one that i like best is "i want to forgive you and i want to forget you".

i wish that was as easy as it sounds.  i cant work with someone who has motives against me and wants to hurt me.  my paranoia is high and i think that everyone has an agenda,  this is god making me face my depot situation all over again, except this time i have the power.  i have given someone else the power over me.  i am so tired of the fights and getting nowhere that i dont even go there anymore and she gets to do exactly what she wants to do and i get to wander around trying not to deal with her.  this is going to be a battle and i will win or she will, but i cannot live like this anymore.  my therapist says that i have to be switzerland but i cant, i am the boss and must take control of the situation...hopefully i dont choke her out. 

monday, i went to therapy and on the way home.  i prayed for everyone that had hurt me and i asked god to bless them and heal our hearts from any hurt. i prayed once for a lady who spoke ill of me to whoever would listen, and it really did heal my heart.  then skippy sent me a text telling me that her husband had been on life support and they made the decision to pull the plug.  i thought for a moment that was karma for all of the mean spirited things she did to people, then thought "what a horrible thought"

my therapist says that i am too caught up in the injustices of the world.  she is right.  when something bad would happen, we would say that it was all part of God's plan.  now i dont know, i think bad things happen to good people for no reason.  i think that i am too soft hearted and let it all get to me.  you would think with all of the bad things that happened to me that i wouldnt be so soft hearted, but i still am. 

i think that if you are a good person and treat people right, that good things will happen to you.  i didnt do a thing to those people that wasnt just and right, now they want to write a letter talking about my bad management style.  most of those people, i gave a job to, when no one else would.  this is how i am paid back. i just want to punch them in the gut and tell them they are mean spirited people.