"If you understood it, then you would be it"
The Martha Project
This quote was about a child growing up with in a single parent home with a bipolar mother.
"Mental illness like bipolar is barely understood by professionals. You may never understand why your parent is the way they are.
Why are they irrational.
Why are they so uncaring.
Why are they so unattached."
No one ever talked about my mother and her ways. I can only assume that she was bipolar based on things i have read.
One day Rodney's new wife took it upon herself to tell me that she thought my mother had been molested by her father. Why she thought it was appropriate to share this information with me i will never understand.
I have always worried about my inability to attach to people. I will cut people out of my life quickly. As my sister would say "that's one less person in the world you are talking to..". I have been concerned that i had a psychopathic inability to form bonds with people.
Butch had a low self esteem after mother left. He was determined to prove his worth by sleeping with any woman that suited his fancy. i had desperately wanted and needed a mother figure in my life, so i welcomed these women into our life. Butch was happier when he had someone, i had become so codependent with him that it made me happier too. This might explain my failure to be autonomous.
My therapist told me that having a revolving door of people through my life when i was younger made me unwilling to establish relationships as i got older. Life had taught me that people were temporary.
Butch wasn't in the greatest state of mind so he didn't attract or choose the most stable people. Most were students, some were married, and
they were mostly young.
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