Today was the first day i had been to my mother's grave since the funeral.
I went and put flowers on her grave. I finally saw the gravestone that rodney had chosen. I kneeled and apologized, apologized for not doing enough, for not being able to deal in her last years. I wished there were so many things she would have talked to me about. So many things i don't have a clue to do with. So many questions that i have.
I bawled. I prayed to God to take care of her. I admitted i didn't know how any of this religious stuff goes but she had been saved.
I don't think that joe knew what to do, i think he felt helpless. I stood and he hugged me, i just tried to let it all go but i know i still have a long road on this one.
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