Therapy

I went to therapy today, by the time i got there my therapist asked if i had been crying all day.

I have internalized that spending Christmas alone and receiving no gifts into i am not special.

I have also taken blame for the Rodney situation. As in he is good and i am bad. I told my therapist that it is easier to take blame when the other person is gone. She said it was because I am a controlling person.

She said it must be tiresome the effort i put into connecting the dots to assign myself blame.

Yes, it is.

I am so tired of feeling sad and i don't know how not to anymore.

I am starting the self defeating behavior; drinking, spending money i don't have, and eating.