boundaries and parenting

married life.......hilariously enough today is the first day since we have been married that we have been alone. 

here is my first step mother issue. i never had a good relationship with my mother (not long term), so i am not sure how to advise my step daughter how to deal with her mother.  My long term concern is that her mother is so invasive that syd wont be able to develop healthy boundaries.  I am 42 and i am just now trying to figure out how to do that.  I want her to have a healthy relationship with her mother and not have to pay an arm and a leg for therapy.  This technology age changes everything.  Her mother wants to not only snap chat, facebook, instagram, and tweet with her daughter but her friends and her boyfriend.  I realize that i may be too lax about the dangers of internet and i should monitor her actions on this sit, but i think that she should have some privacy as well.  If someone is always making decisions for her then how will she know how to make decisions for herself. 

I am also concerned that her mother is trying to live her teenage years through her daughter.  the other night we received a text from syd stating that she was done with her mother.  her mother came into her room and was dancing around with some music and syd wanted some privacy.  She told her mother to stop and she didn't, she then told her mother that she was starting to get mad and she needed to leave.  her mother then grounder her from her future functions (yes, i realize i am only getting one side of the story).  now she is ungrounded because she took the block off her mother on her social networking sites. 

the other thing that makes me uncomfortable is her mother texts her boyfriend......a lot.  this is really creepy and syd does not like it neither does the boyfriend, but he is afraid that if he doesn't text with her mother that he wont be able to see syd. 

joe and i made a place for her in our house, i let her paint it however and helped her decorate because i wanted her to have a place that was her own.  i don't go in her room unless i have something for her.  joe says that he has started knocking before he enters to give her space that is just hers.  i don't complain about how her room looks, she is a teenager, i don't live in it, so it isn't my deal.  cleanliness wasn't important to me either at that age and i am not going to spend what time we have together complaining to her about it. 

joe asks for my advice, which is nice, but at the end of the day, i am her stepmother.  as one of my ex's told me once, how is the view from the cheap seats when i was complaining about his child's mother. 

that really puts you in your place quick