Looming doom

I am trying to be grateful for the holidays but i have this looming sense of doom.

I thought having family would help but my sister checked out years ago, she is just a shell of her former self.

I don't know if it's the drinking, drugs, or just that life hasn't been kind.

I walked into the kitchen last night and she was sitting at the kitchen table looking stoned (which she probably was). We went to pick her up last night and her apartment looked like a borderline horder with coffee cups everywhere. It reeked of pot. Joe said he thought it was just cigarettes. I think that she had been a shut in for so long that she doesn't know how to socialize.

It was ironic. Last night joe was looking up an actor on Google and was showing a picture of the actor's girlfriend. He showed my sister. She stated that he shouldn't show that to him because she is 200lbs, 50, and has nothing going for her.

Ironic for the girl that seemed to have it all so effortlessly. I used to look up to my sister, never really feeling as though i was good enough and never would be.

I watch intervention frequently. I always wondered how i never ended up a drug addict then the interventionist said something so profound. It isnt what happened in your past that defines you, it what you do with it....