It's all relative

Woke up to the too familiar smell of crap..... the new foster dog isn't working our well.

I have been up since 3am. My stomach is churning. My feet have stopped swelling but they hurt. I wore my boots today hoping that would help and then iced both ankles when i got home to ease the pain.

I wonder if i ever really had it all together.

I came into the living room so joe could sleep. My entourage decided to keep me company so i now have a 110lb rottie sleeping on me. It reminds me they need a bath.

The last year has been such a blur. I have really wondered at times if i have had a breakdown. Apparently to be considered a "real" breakdown, lack of hygiene must be involved.

Unfortunately, i have bills to pay so i must go to work. I can't say that i have been particularly effective at my job but i did at least take a shower and show up....considerably late most of the time but there none the less.

I always thought that given a year i could get over most anything. Oregon taught me different, that summer started a chain of events that truly changed my being.

I often wonder if the storm is over or if the water has just receded long enough to gain momentum for the next huge wave.

I have experienced unrelenting pain. I can't say that i have developed better coping skills. Beyond my husband and daughter, i have had to let go of any meaningful relationship due to it's damage on my well being.

I've had to put it all into perspective.