Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Shutting down

My mind is swirling.

I woke up this morning to joe rubbing the foster dog's nose in poo. I can't help but think of the narcissist and when he flipped out on his dog because he chewed a phone cord. He was so angry, he threw the dog through a sliding glass window after he wrapped the cord around the dog's neck. I am blown away by my ability to accept bad behavior.

It is unsettling to me.

I am letting go of the step mom/step dad relationship. It has caused me more heartache than i need and deserve. The reality is that he was married to my mother, she is dead and now there is nothing to bond us anymore. I never would have thought that he would've been gone from my life with her but things change and i need to accept the truth. I just keep telling my heart that he was just my step dad and the message from my step mom was abundantly clear that i need to just get over it.

I am concerned about closing another door to my heart. I become concerned that one day there will be nothing more of my heart to give. I don't want to be shut off from the world with nothing more to give and nothing to accept.

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