fake it

i am about to go and see my shrink

i feel so broken, i feel like a functioning alcoholic, i am able to get up and go out into the real world and behave as if i have it all together, faking it until i somehow make it, but i feel like a fraud, waiting for someone to find me out

it gets exhausting trying to keep up appearances, i get scared to make the wrong decision so i make no decisions until the decisions get made for me then i can just say that it wasn't meant to be

i have been sick for 2 weeks, spent the last 5 days hiding out in my house, sleeping my day away, usually this would make me feel guilty, but i have found it a nice get out of jail free card

i have been putting memories away in a mental box to wrap up with a pretty bow to give to god, memories of what was, what was meant to be, and what will never be

tomorrow i will have to get up and face the big, bad world and all i want to do is curl up under the covers and sleep my life away

someone please wake me when the pain has gone away