I feel as if much of my childhood I was collateral damage. The casualty of a war that was fought between Butch and my mother. I get that you cant help the baggage that you carry around, but it would have been nice if all of their baggage had not have become mine.
My mother had a son before me. It has been decades since i have seen or talked to him. I sometimes feel lost not having any kind of relationship with people who share my blood. I have a biological father that i haven't seen in decades either. An uncle that has llamas that live in his trailer in Louisiana (not a joke) an Aunt in California that i haven't spoken to since i moved back home. I wonder if this why i feel adrift, having no real connection of family. People whom i share common traits with, that i can see myself in, and know why i am the way that i am. Nature vs Nurture. I would love to see my father and know that i have his eyes. To have a half brother and maybe feel some bond.
Maybe this is just another fantasy concocted in my head that never really measures up to the reality of it all.
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