today was my first day back at work since Friday. my head started to hurt midday. i am really hoping that my glasses are ready tomorrow. i was really thinking that they would be ready today.
i paid the rest of my bills for the month and except for my credit card having a balance, i am pretty proud of myself and i am starting to get a rhythm going. i still have some money in savings but not enough. i need to get my direct deposit filled out and start putting away money for an emergency fund. i may not be able to go back to school this summer. i don't know. the good news is that i will have extra money to pay down on my credit card bill next month, maybe i need to put some against my credit card and some in savings. i am concerned about how much my therapy is going to cost me but i really cant afford to not go. i am starting to have some issues over my mother.
my uncle found the phone number for the child that my mother had before me. i haven't seen him since before her and butch were divorced and i know the longer that i wait to call him the worse that it will be. i just don't have a clue what to say....hi, this is your sister and your mother is dead, but don't worry, the amount of money that you spent on therapy has to be way less than what i have had to spend and she was part of my life...kind of.
yesterday morning i made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and i thought that my mother and i used to have those for breakfast when i came home for the weekend. when i became an adult our relationship was better but then i married Skippy and by that time the cancer had already taken its toll on her, she had become mean. i don't know if it was because she was mad that she had cancer or if she just hated everyone. once she told Skippy that she didn't think that he liked her, his response was that she was the best mother in law that he ever had. i know, his smart alec responses hurt my feelings more than one occasion as well.
today one of my department managers told me that her boyfriend told her that they weren't having sex because she had gained weight. She is by no means fat, she has a little stomach, but at least she doesn't look anorexic like she did when i first met her. Skippy and I never had sex which took it's toll on my self esteem but at least he didn't tell me that it was because i was fat.....of course not, because that would be actually talking about the problem, which he never wanted to do, because he was always right.
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