"I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could!" sally field in steel magnolias
this describes my emotions perfectly. I can run a store, but i can't run my life....i never could.
i am always trying to find someone or something to stuff in this hole that i feel in my inside. i want something to take away all of the blackness that i feel inside.
a friend of the family told me once that i didn't let much grass grow under my feet before i moved on to the next relationship. he was right. i wonder if him and mother are kicked back having a cig together.
there are five stages of grief
denial and isolation
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance
i isolated myself for almost two years
two days ago i got angry......i asked my sophomore boyfriend (we actually dated when we were sophomores) if i were stranded in an airport away from home, sick and called you to ask you to help me find a hotel room...what would you do? His answer....find you a hotel room then probably not sleep knowing that you were somewhere alone. DING, DING, DING, DING.....LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I DO BELIEVE WE HAVE A WINNER. I called skippy and i am not sure how it ended except that i found a hotel by calling the numbers on a kiosk that was in the garage.
bargaining...i think i have spent the last 4 years bargaining with myself that i wasn't in an unfulfilling relationship and reasons to stay
depression...had a lifetime of that
acceptance.....i accepted my marriage was over, the day that he kicked me out of the car on okmulgee and told me to walk
I'm confused....I thought you are now happy in a new relationship. I was concerned (I admit) that you were jumping from one relationship to another but I'm no judge. My fear for you is that you have never learned how to be alone. That's a hard one but I believe a necessary step before finding the "right" relationship. I'm sorry to say it took 34 years of being alone before I was ready to find the "right" person.
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