I love being around spiritual people. My hair dresser is one of those people who is very steadfast in her faith
I hired this girl. When I interviewed her she told me that she had been kicked out of her home and she was living with her boyfriend until she could get her house fixed up.
She came in earlier in this week with a migraine. Her step father had her medication refilled and brought it to her. I asked her if it was her mother that had kicked her out. She said yes. I told her that I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother. I had spent a lot of time debating if i would regret the time that I had spent without her when she was dead. It has been over a year and I am comfortable saying that i don't.
I was randomly telling my hairdresser this story and she showed me the goose bumps on her arm. Her and I are a lot alike, we both yearn/yearned for a relationship with our mother that they were unable to give. She told me that she had been contemplating whether or not to continue her relationship with her mother.
I can't imagine what it was like to not have the relationship you wanted with your mother. I think that is a desire that is fundamental with all human beings. But, not everyone that is a mother was meant to be one. Even children (no matter the age) have to protect themselves from relationships that are toxic to their well being. It's just harder if that relationship is your mother. When I got divorced the therapist always reminded me that I was grieving the loss of the relationship I wanted but didn't really have.
ReplyDeletesometimes it is easier with divorce (having a few myself) because exes go away and you don't have to deal with them on a personal level, it is much harder with family (considering we don't have much). for years I punished myself with "if my own mother doesn't love me, who else will" and "why wasn't I good enough" for her to want a relationship with me.
ReplyDelete