I don't know how to negotiate this relationship.
I am married to a man who adores me, loves me with his heart, he is a hard worker, he makes me laugh, and he has such a good soul.
I don't know how to deal with someone who isn't damaged, who wants to actually lift me up, and be my best friend.
We watched a movie last night and the main character had a break down. He was throwing things, breaking things, and being scary. These are the relationships that I know how to negotiate.
It had dawned on me last night that I didn't have to do the drama in my personal life anymore. I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore. I don't have to prepare for the next meltdown.
Actually having a partner, someone who tries to understand my issues, and listens to me. Is willing to be here for me whenever and wherever.
For once, I am not sabotaging the relationship because I don't feel like I deserve it. I may be just too tired.
Isn't is nice to know you don't have to cringe when someone walks in the door. Or hold your breath waiting for them to yell or scream at you. Isn't it nice to just enjoy feeling loved?
ReplyDeleteIt is but really uncharted territory. I am not sure how to live with someone who isn't angry.
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