Wednesday, May 21, 2014

between a bucket list and a resolution

about nine years ago, i made a list of things that i wanted to do.  kind of a cross between a bucket list and a new years resolution

the list contained things like walk in high heels....i probably should have specified on that one.  I can do it, just not very well.  I would like to do it SJP style. 

ride a roller coaster...finally did that last year

get a tattoo....checked that one off on Friday and yes it did hurt.  People who describe it as if someone is scraping your skin off are right.  I suppose you either go big or you go home.  I decided to get them on my feet, which according to EVERYONE is one of the worst places to get a tattoo. 

Photo: Sophie Gabrielle, here you go

I feel as though if you are going to put something on your body and it is going to be permanent then it should really speak to you.  This is my reminder to walk with God daily, to keep my ears, eyes, and heart open to his purpose for my life. 

I unfortunately feel the need to judge people, it makes me feel better about myself.  No one does it better than me, i am the original mean girl.  You have a paper tag on your car, i am checking the date and if it way overdue then i feel superior because my tag is in date.  You look like you just rolled out of bed?   I got up and was able to do something with my hair and put on make up, so i must be better than you.  It is especially difficult when other people want to bash on someone. Man, i want to be the ring leader.  I am now trying to operate from a place of being grateful, grateful that i have the money to keep my tag current (in fact, i don't even look at paper tags anymore.....if i can help it).  I am grateful that my depression is at a manageable state that i care about how i leave the house, others may still be stuck in that ditch.  I try to say a silent prayer for me and my judgement and for the other person and their struggle. 

My therapist told me a long time ago that i needed to take a yoga.  I am really thinking that she is right, i am really feeling off center and i have a very hard time just being in the moment.  I have come to the conclusion that i don't multi task very well and i need to learn to just be still.  I really think that my overall spirit would benefit from it, so while working on being the grateful girl, i will also work on being the still girl. 

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