Thursday, May 1, 2014

Letting go of the narcissism

never say never.

when i ran for office, i swore that i would never go to another pie auction.....what did i get to do tonight?  go to a pie auction and campaign, kinda.  I didnt mind going, it was just all of the feelings that it brought back.  the feelings of unforgiveness.  i had one girl who worked for me and she said horrible things about me and was just hateful.  i still resent her for that and today i realized that i just need to let it go.  there is no need to rehash old things.  i am in a much better place then i would have been if i had won, it would have been Office Depot all over again.  hoping for someone to pull the knife out of my back.

today and yesterday were odd.  chester sent me a text last week with a picture of the dog he took when he left, saying that he missed him momma and was going to come and see me next week.  he came in yesterday and bought two bags of dog food then tried to call me last night.  i didnt hear the phone ring.  i sent him a text and asked if he was bringing the dog in today, that i had made an appointment for him and had Buckley all set up in the computer under his name.  he said yes, he came in and showed me the dog, took him to grooming, asked a few questions about treats and left.  then came back about the same time i was going to lunch with my man.  i walked out and held his hand as we left.  he said that made him feel very special because his ex would never have done that.  my thought process being that i am divorced and if you have to hide something then you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place.  the thought then dawned on me that i am sure chester is happier without me as i am happier without him.

yesterday when he came in one of my employees wanted to know if she could hit him up for $100, i told her she wasn't young enough.  later, i said that maybe that was what tripped his trigger because it was obvious that i didn't do it for him.  i have finally gotten to the point that doesn't make me feel less than because of it.  i learned a lot during that marriage and i too think that i got involved for my own selfish reasons.  i wanted to feel important and chester sure did make himself seem important.  i also know that you cannot expect people to treat you differently than they treat other people.  you can expect some slight variation but not much, if he is rude to people in his life, he will be rude to you as well.

oh dear, let us pray that i am finally over the narcissist.









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