today i posted on facebook about being the original mean girl, that i judge people, and if someone starts tearing someone apart, I want to be a ring leader. I can say things that will cut to the core. Yes, pray to god for help, because i know how it feels to be on the receiving end of this treatment, but sometimes I just don't care. If I am lucky I will catch myself and stop talking but it has been such a habit for so long to cover my self esteem, sometimes I don't want to stop. I need prayers, advice, someone to smack me, but I hate this about myself.
You would have thought by the answers that I received that I was going to jump off the bridge. I did appreciate all of the kind words. My dad told me that he would like me to stop putting yourself down before the world on facebook.
I thought that i was just putting out there what most people were guilty of, at times tearing someone else down makes us feel superior. It is the amount of venom that i do this that makes me worried. I wonder why i feel the need to do this with such a force. I dislike the fact that my mind immediately goes to the negative.
i suppose i will save this topic for my therapist
my irritation level has been on overdrive
i dropped out of school for the summer semester and i just feel like such a failure because i was going to be done by december 2015. This is the only thing that makes me regret getting divorced. I was going to try to stay in my marriage until i graduated, but i am sure that i am in a much better place without that stress. I wonder at times if i am actually out of my depression anymore. I watched a ted talk from a guy that worked for the California highway patrol and was responsible for responding to people who were trying to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. One of the things that he talked about depression was that people sleep, which is what i want to do all of the time.
I feel as though i have been in therapy forever and i have brought all of the issues to the surface to only become one huge nerve.......that is constantly irritated.
My first question is 1. Are you on any medication specifically for anxiety? How about Prozac? It's not for anxiety but it sure has helped a friend of mine with his anger issues. It doesn't matter WHEN you graduate just that you keep working toward that goal. Maybe you have to take some time to get financially stable before proceeding. That's OK.....the world will still be here. Not to be the mean old Auntie here but my nieces spend way to much time thinking about themselves...........get out of your own head! You are not the horrible failure you think you are. I had an Aunt who always told me that when things aren't going good.....bake a cake and have a REAL pity party. Lick your wounds, eat cake but you only get one hour to feel sorry for yourself. Blow out the candles and move on.
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