Giving it to God

Rodney left for Wyoming on Monday.  he called me about 12 hours into his trip and told me that he missed me, he missed the dogs, and he missed the house.  I asked him if this finally got him over his "sell everything, buy an airstream trailer, smash his phone, and just run away" talk that i have gotten for i don't know how long.  He said no, just that he would take the dogs with him.  I have the latest addition to the Brook family at my house, bob and max are at the other house where his tenants let them and out and make sure they are fed.  Clifford (yes, he is a big almost red dog) whom we found at IHOP is staying with me....there is not lagoon for him to go swimming in and get into trouble.  Saturday he did this, Rodney was mad, had to get him to go swimming in the pond, tried to dry him with a towel (which didn't work) so he said that he was getting rid of the dog and he was at the airport trying to calm down.  I guess it is a quaint little town that we live in. 

My therapist thought that i made a huge breakthrough.  I no longer worry about people leaving me, i am afraid that they will stay and make me miserable.  She told me that was a good shift but i needed to find somewhere in the middle and realize that it is my choice as to who i have in my life.  I think all of the things that have happened this year that i have had to handle myself that i am able to rely on my own strength.  It has given me more faith in my ability and i don't really think that i am scared of much anymore.  I have tried to walk in my faith more and just give it to God.  I don't like to operate in a mode of fear, i don't make good decisions. 

I am still neutral about whether i should go to school this summer.  It is just really hard when i am taking senior level classes in an 8 week period.  I think i will just drop this summer and try again in the fall.  I really need to get the roof taken care of, the building in the backyard.  Stop my financial bleeding and pay off my credit card.  I am hoping that i will have enough insurance money left over to do that.  I am really hoping that my dad will help with school in the fall because i do not want to have to take out loans.  I suppose it is like i said, Give it to God.