irritated, locked, and loaded

deep breath

sister actually sent me the stuff for her taxes, only after she sent me about 4 texts telling me what she was sending me.  she then asked me if i still loved her.  i replied yes, but i want her to stop killing herself.  she said that she never looked at it like that and she would be okay. whatever

my niece broke up with her loser boyfriend who always cheats on her, she wants to come and spend time with me, but as usual i have to drive all the way there and back.  then deal with a crappy teenager, sorry, don't have it to give, but i made a commitment and was too much of a wuss to be straight to her and tell her no. 

i saw my therapist today and i am irritated all of the time, at the end of our session she agreed. 

i sent me biological father an email today.  i cried.  it would be easier if he just didn't respond, rejection i totally get.  i am not sure if i can do one more complication in my life, but none of us is getting any younger and it would stink if he died before i had the chance. 

mother died in February, i still haven't written a single thank you note to anyone who sent flowers to people who brought food, sent cards, or anything.  it is just a bag of stuff sitting in my office.  a reminder of things that need to be done, like the tile in the other bathroom.

I literally cleaned out my closet yesterday and i found a phone that had a picture of mother on it before she had her brain radiated to death and she became someone else.  She actually had a smile on her face.  i looked at the picture for a very long time and was still unable to cry that she is gone. 

i don't want to go to work tomorrow.  i am tired of my lazy people and the people whom i stick my neck out for that are just ungrateful.  i really feel as though i should fire about 60% of them and start over.  i guess i will just channel my irritation into coaching my employees, maybe they will just get tired of my crabby self and leave.