Monday, June 30, 2014

talking points wasted

Saturday i receive an email about season tickets that i held with Skippy, so i sent him a text wanting to know if he wanted to keep the seats, no response.  he just hacks me off with lack of decency to even respond, he could have sent f you and it would have been something.  it is just another reminder of the time i wasted on a relationship with someone who doesn't even respect me enough to answer. 

then i found a paper that i had put talking points on, i am not sure if i gave it to him or if it was something i wanted to use while having a discussion with him.  I am sure that i decided that the energy wasn't worth it and never did anything with it, but it made me upset that i allowed someone to treat me like that. 

this was the contents
*putting up your finger when i talk tells me that i am not your partner...makes me feel as if i am beneath you

*i feel unimportant in public when you talk down to me, ie we were at staples and i was going to pull the cart forward so that you were able to have the cashier scan the second cart of water and you said something abrupt to me and embarrassed me in front of other people

*when we were at best buy, you looked at me and asked why i was standing on top of you.  I thought we had gone to run errands to spend time together.  I felt like i should just sit in the truck.

*it becomes challenging to go anywhere with you because if i take too long (ie sally), stand too close, stand too far away, you complain.  You complain about people driving, it really gives me the blues.  I feel as though I have to struggle to have a good attitude and at times i get really exhausted trying to have a good attitude in the midst of your negative attitude.

*i constantly think every day of things that make you upset and try very hard not to do those things.  I should be thinking of ways to make you happy, not things to not make you angry.

*I know myself well enough to know that it is incredibly difficult for me to be intimate with someone when i have to feel guarded or when i don't feel close to them.  I don't think you realize your abruptness hurts my feelings, but i just get over it.  If i say or do something to hurt your feelings then you don't talk to me and when you do, it is short and crappy.  It reminds me of my mother and i don't want to have a relationship like that.  it makes me feel like how i feel is unimportant.  I feel that you are more concerned over who is right (you) and wrong (me) than about our relationship.  You aren't concerned at all about me or my opinion or even my feelings.  Which is why i just get over it, because it is easier to stuff my feelings down that have you make me feel crappier and give all of my energy to this battle.  This might explain why i am overeating

*when you throw up your hands and walk away, it makes me feel like you are treating me like all of the people you work with,  I am your wife and you are not to call me names, you are to respect me



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