pitty party

 "I had an Aunt who always told me that when things aren't going good.....bake a cake and have a REAL pity party. Lick your wounds, eat cake but you only get one hour to feel sorry for yourself. Blow out the candles and move on."

I love my Aunt Dani, this was her advise to my last post.  I think that i am finally over the eating cake all of the time thing, but it is time to blow out the candles. 

It is no longer my responsibility to fix the problems of the world.  I have a fence that needs repaired.  A washer that wants to overflow, tile that needs to be put up in the bathroom, and dogs who need to learn that they don't have to eat everything. I have renamed Samson "grub" after a guy we went to high school with that ate everything, no wonder that dog has worms.  Paisely has received a middle name so that i might actually get her attention. 

I am scared that the one solid person in my life is going to sell everything and move, this makes me sad and scared.  I am an adult and going home in no longer an option.  I have made it this far on my own, but i always had the safety net of my parents.  Rodney leaving would really take away some of my security.

My sister has fallen off the wagon. I had to call Butch.  He knows that i have been going to therapy but i have always danced around the reason why.  I was ranting about how we all had a shitty childhood and we had to get over it.  He asked me if i had a shitty childhood.  Lord knows that i didn't want to kick a man while he was down, but i couldn't lie.  I said yes, he wanted to know why.  I was raised by two broken people who had zero business having children.  He couldn't disagree. 

I actually really felt like i was their trophy, who got me was the winner of that marriage/divorce.  Once the prize was won, i was put on a shelf and forgotten.  Butch was too busy trying to screw every chic he could find to prove he wasn't the acne nerd that he was in high school and mother was too busy trying to prove to her father that she wasn't a failure. 

Aunt Dani is right, blow out the candles on that one.