Therapy

I went to see my therapist yesterday.

We discussed my arm. I really think i did it for sympathy. Depression is sick an inward disease. I want there to be signs that i am sick. I want people to ask me how i am feeling even though i am conditioned to say fine, great, making it....

Someone told me that when her mother died that her sister looked at her and said now they were orphans. I know that sounds extreme but my therapist says i need to stop reaching outward to have my holes fixed. I am going to have to fix the holes myself.

Joe was in the room with me during therapy. I wasn't sure if that was allowed or not but i think it helped him understand my struggles at times.

I reached out the olive branch to butch. I called and asked if he wanted to meet his granddaughter. We met for dinner on Saturday. It was nice to have someone baby me, be upset that i was treated wrongly, and be genuinely interested in sydni.

I feel like a fraud just replaying my childhood if i didn't get what i wanted/maybe needed from one place, i just went to the other. Always feeling like i had to choose. I need to tell myself the same thing that i feel about syd. There is enough love to go around.