Saturday, October 1, 2016

Birthday:(

I survived the day.

I went to work at 6, threw some freight (back is killing me). I wrote the schedule, did the animal po, got the children ready for an animal walk, and finally got home at 12.

On our way to get sydni, her step dad called joe to tell him that she was tired of coming to our house for just one night. My heart broke for joe. I couldn't help but feel responsible. I was the reason he moved 30 minutes away. I was the reason he was missing time with his little girl. To make it all worse, he had to hear this from the man his wife cheated on him with.

Joe started asking sydni if she was tired of us and other questions. I couldn't handle it so i sent her a text telling her what her step dad had done. I apologized for making her move away. Her teenage reply was, i felt that way last week but not this week.

So she stayed with her mom last night. Today she is going with her friends and will stay the night with her bff. Tomorrow we are taking her to the fair. Joe has lost 2 days of his 7 days off with her :(. I told him that she should just stay here tonight but he doesn't want to be like her mother. I feel like he loses time and the connection because he is too easy going.

This reminds me of why i didn't have children.

My birthday came and went without a sound from Rodney. I knew in my heart that he had written me off but i still had hope. It still saddens me that our relationship has been destroyed because he is unable to see why i was hurt that his barber knew he was going to get married before me.

I feel as though i am paying for my mother's sins and for her step daughter's sins. I can't help but feel that most of the message she sent me was misdirected anger. I know there is nothing that i can say or do that will make either of them change their view of me.

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