Sunday, October 23, 2016

Replay

Today is Sunday. Syd just left. I remember always hating Sundays when i was a kid. They were so depressing. Butch was sometimes home. I lived in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and i was sometimes being shuffled from one place to the next.

Today is my only day off this week. My manager told me that he didn't want to work for me. I didn't see much of a reason for a conversation after that.

I don't know how to not replay that over and over and over again in my head.

One of my employees sent me this
"Note to self:
You can't control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do our say gets filtered through the lens of whatever personal shit they are going through at the moment. Which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much love and integrity and love as possible."

I am not sure i have read anything more spot on than this.

I am just tired. I feel as though everything is falling down around me and i don't think i have the energy to pick it up again. I have a rat in the store, at least one mouse, and so many spiders that there are webs everywhere. Plano grams are stacked inches thick. I am drowning.

The need to cut to relieve some pressure is growing. I promised my husband i wouldn't do that again. The fear in his eyes is more than i can take so hopefully i can make it to see my therapist next week.

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