Toxic

I am drowning today.

I feel as though i am toxic and should come with a warning sign. I know that i can't make everyone happy all of the time but i feel as though people shouldn't even get involved with me because i will just let them down and they will hate me.

I just see no relief in my future. I am on my third set of doctors and i am back to my first diagnosis. I still don't feel any better and as my sister says i am running out of people who i talk to. I feel lonely with no one really left to love me. Maybe i wasn't meant to be loved, i didnt learn that skill in my childhood.

Everything just seems so difficult. I think to myself that things shouldn't be this hard. It never seems to get easier.

I want to shrivel up and blow away.  My mother is gone and there is only heartache left for me here.