Epiphany

I go to the chiropractor 3 times a week. He puts me on a table afterwards that has the rollers. I lay there for 15 minutes. It has become my new meditation time.

I realized that i am not emotionally responsible for people. I cannot be held responsible for the way people feel about me.

When my mother left, i felt emotionally responsible for butch. Then i was left for with angry butch. I shut down when faced with angry people. My assistant left. I felt emotionally responsible for him and had become numb in the shadow of his anger. I was trying to be the cool girlfriend, not make waves, make everything better. Here is the problem with unhappy people, you will never be able to give enough to make them happy.

Usually, i would replay the "i am like kim, bobbi, and everyone else....i don't want to work for you" over in my mind FOREVER but it is the bottomless pit, no matter what i gave. It was never good enough, it never would have been, so now he will go on to work for another boss, another company and they will be the evil one.

I have spent my whole life trying to be everything to everyone, trying to be the problem solver.