break the suction

About 2 months ago, i decided to take my employees to breakfast one morning.  We had won a contest and i knew most of them wouldn't show up so i told them to bring a guest if they would like.  One of my employees brought their mother, which i thought was really sweet and i sat at the table with them.  This employees mother catered to her daughter in a way that was so foreign to me, that i had to do a double take.  She actually put cream and sugar in her coffee for her and then made sure that is the way that the daughter liked it.  It was as if i had witnessed aliens landing on earth.  This was the most foreign concept to me.  I can barely remember my mother cutting my food for me or actually sharing a plate with my mother when i was really young.  I am not sure if i was jealous or just blown away that someone who is old enough to drink coffee, still has their mother make it for them....in public.  I now understand why this employee is so needy. 

I just cannot do needy people.  I think it because i know how easily i get pulled under water in their situation.  I would actually chew my arm off to get away from people who suck the life out of me.  It probably has something to do with the fact that i suck enough of my own life out of me that i really don't need any help. 

I am severely becoming an introvert.  I have been off work for two days and have managed to leave the house none.  I don't have any desire to go anywhere.  I don't even feel that this is the depression, i just want to get my tuition paid off, my credit card paid off, and going places usually involves spending money. 

Matt and I have tickets for the little theatre next weekend and his parents are unable to go, they told us that we needed to invite some friends so that we don't waste the tickets.  Matt and i responded that we don't have any friends.  Their response was that we needed to join a Sunday school class and get friends, my response was that they all have kids and we don't have anything in common. 

Matt and i barely go to church anymore.  I just usually dont have the energy and everyone is sick, why do sick people feel the need to go places where healthy people are....stay home.