still holding onto anger

It is amazing how much difference a year makes.  I was cleaning my office the other day, so that my sister had a clean place to stay for thanksgiving and I found my daily devotion book, it was left on August 20th.  I used to get up every morning, read my devotion and spend time in prayer.  Then my world went into this downward spiral of depression. 

I can actually say that I have had some good days lately.  I got up yesterday and cleaned house before my doctors appointment.  I have lost 25 lbs (which amazes even me).  My world is in a very different place than it was last year and I am very thankful.  I don't know if it is the meds or the therapy or both.

I am still trying to work through my issues.  I realized that I am still angry, hurt, and disappointed in the way that my husband treated me during our first two years of marriage.  I must get over this if I would like my marriage to work. 

I was talking to my sister tonight and she was talking about Butch.  He has been really helpful to her, it was funny one day my therapist asked me if it made me mad or jealous that he was helping her and the thought had never crossed my mind.  I was thankful he was doing something for one of us.  I just wish that he would help my aunt with my uncle.  I spent my entire life with him choosing a woman over me.  I get that he is married and that he must have some respect for that union, but for once it would be nice if he would choose family. 

I often wonder if Butch would act differently if my grandpa was still alive.