today after my therapy session, I decided that I needed some retail therapy. It probably doesn't help that the mall is right across the street from my therapist. I can pull my pants down without having to unbutton them isn't a good thing either. I was actually looking for some soft, thick sweaters, since the pants I like to wear have been discontinued and I am hoping to find some on the website. I did notice that turtle necks are coming back in style. I stopped and looked at one and then remembered that they made me claustrophobic. As I walked away I heard two older than me ladies talking about how they didn't like turtle necks either and one responded that she didn't like them because the skin of her neck hung over the sweater. I am not sure how I controlled myself from busting out laughing. I did remember to put my night serum on my neck tonight so that hopefully I wont have a turkey neck when I get older.....
I tell people that I have a blog. I am not sure when you cross the line from having a blog to be a blogger. I was listening to an interview of a lady who is a blogger and if you have noticed I added her blog to my list. I couldn't follow her because apparently you max at 5000 followers.......I wouldn't know. I get excited when I get more than 50 people to read my blog in a day. Thank you French person for reading, it makes me feel honored that someone oversees is interested in my little life. Any who, most of her stuff is humor, but she did get into this discussion of how she fell into this depression and wanted to die. She even had a plan, she was going to go and sit in a frozen lake and wait for hypothermia to set in. I don't think that I am that dedicated to not being on this earth. Then she hit me with, her depression lasted 19 months....really, I am a year into this and feel as though I have done my time.
Therapy is interesting. I so didn't want to go and see someone who would look at me and say "so, how do you feel about that?". I can get that for free. It is like going to the doctor for a major ailment and then remember two days later you should have told him about the pain in your back. With therapy you can do that. I used to wait for her to broach a subject and she usually does a recap, but now I go into the office with a topic...sometimes we get to it and sometimes we don't. The good news is that I have next week and the week after that and the week after that. I am still trying to process the conflicting messages I get from my head and my heart. I love that she calls me on my BS. She will say to me, I see that intellectually you get this, but I don't think that you get this on a emotionally level.
I feel so bipolar at times, I suppose most women do, it is all of these hormones running through our body. I can be so black and white at times and then see the shades of grey. She told me today that I didn't respect my husband, she just slipped it into the conversation. A few sentences later I had to go back to that statement. It makes me think what respect is and what I do to disrespect him. I disrespect my husband by talking about him behind his back, I don't think that he would ever do that to me. I disrespect my husband by letting other people into our marriage. I don't trust my husband with our money so I keep my own money. I don't always trust my husband to do the things that he says that he will do. This is probably my biggest pet peeve because it is the thing that I dislike the most about myself. I dislike that he is willing to sacrifice my feelings to be right. I can understand that though, there was a point that I had to always be right and I am still this way at times, but I have learned with my husband it is less energy to just agree. Once again, I am letting other people into my marriage, so I think I will stop while I am ahead and just think on that interesting statement.
No comments:
Post a Comment