a helping hand

don't look down on someone unless you are willing to help them up

my bff told me that the other day and I thought it was a great way to look at life. 

I went to therapy on Tuesday and things have been going good.  I answer my phone when people call and I am getting out of the house more.  Now, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I told my therapist that this would happen, I had a horrible feeling in the bottom of my soul that there was trouble around the corner.  We spent time talking about that and we all know that good times don't last but neither do bad times.  I just have to have faith that whatever happens, I am able to deal with it.  I had been listening to the radio on the way and they were talking about optimistic and pessimistic people, pessimistic people are more likely to be depressed.  I had a relationship years ago and I still talk to the guy from time to time.  I always seem to remember the bad things that happened.  I wondered why I was so hard wired to remember the bad.  My therapist told me that our brains are trained to remember bad things to keep us from making the same mistake again, especially traumatic situations.  She told me that it is these memories that make me survive in fight or flight mode.  I asked her how long she thought I had been in fight or flight and she replied "since I was swaddled as a baby".  No wonder I am so tired all of the time.  I felt better after having the conversation with her.  I feel as though I have clawed my way out of this depression and I don't want anything to derail me. 

Today my bff is flying to London to see her brother.  When her mother died, she was cremated and she keep some of the ashes, she is taking those with her to England.  I thought that was very cool.