just not that into me

I finally acknowledged the reason behind my obsession with Oregon. I haven't had sex in six years. That is scary.  I had found him on Facebook to apologize for treating him so bad.  I wasn't really expecting anything to come of it.  He had texted me a few times and I just wasn't that into him.  Then one day I bit.  I was unhappy with the lack of intimacy in my marriage and I already have issues with sex, so it was comfortable to go back to someone who told me I was pretty and sexy and all of those things you want to hear.  I was glad that I was able to talk him last week, it was nice to have someone there for me, but I know in my heart he just isn't that into me and I need to let it go. 

I need to decide what to do about my marriage.  My therapist says that you try to fix your childhood through your relationships....boy am I.  I feel as though he is my father and mother all put together.  Obviously, he isn't cheating on me, physically. He is mad, he does the whole silent treatment like my mother.  Wednesday nights, my husband thinks that we must be the first people at church and I should be home at 430.  I am really not suppose to leave until 5.  My boss doesn't give me huge amounts of grief about it because I do stay late on some nights.  I wasn't able to leave and get home until almost 5.  He was sitting in his chair, not talking to me.  He follows me to the bedroom where I tell him to stop complaining, it is Christmas and we get busy, and I cant just leave if we are busy.  We get in the car and I say something, he doesn't answer, so I ask if he isn't talking to me. He tells me that he doesn't like it when people make him late.  I reiterate my previous discussion.  I would have never done that before.  I would have continued to let him not talk to me and then one day I would just freak out, like my mother does. 

So I am on the phone with my sister and I feel as though her life is an endless loop tape.  I suppose that is part of the disease.  I called her last Tuesday and she was so drunk that she doesn't even remember that we talked.  Today I call her and she is sitting at her house feeling sorry for herself.  Which is only going to make her drink.