Wednesday, August 21, 2013

filing

"you will someday come to see that there is no use for that incessant internal chatter, and there is no reason to constantly attempt to figure everything out.  Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself.  It is the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems."  Michael a singer, the untethered soul

WOW!!!  I spend so much of my time trying to figure it all out, i have gotten stuck on trying to figure it all out.  My therapist has made me realize that i have to move past the why and accept it.  I have to learn to forgive myself, to stop punishing myself, and to stop being my own worst enemy. 

I have said it tons of times "i cant help how other people act, only how i react" and it really is the truth.  I have to acknowledge situations from my past, understand why i made the decisions that i made and make better decisions based on that information the next time that situation arises. 

i am still new to this religion thing so i am not sure who i am suppose to pray to, God or Jesus Christ.  I have spent so much time and energy trying to dig this ugliness from inside of me that i decided to try a new approach.  I asked God and Jesus Christ to be with me and I brought up people and situations from my past that had caused me pain and I forgave them, more importantly I forgave myself and I let them go.  Oh my, it is a liberating feeling.  It was very interesting though, I didn't even think of my ex husband or mr x. 

I drove to work yesterday with the radio off and really examined the Mr. X situation and other situations I had been in like it.  I thought about my embarrassment, shame, hurt, and denial that the other didn't give me what I wanted or needed.  I acknowledged the reason why I was in the situation, why I was drawn to that person, and how I programmed to want those things.   I stopped being embarrassed by how I was carelessly tossed aside.  I forgave those people and most importantly forgave myself for allowing the situation in my life. 

I filed these people under "sometimes people just don't have it to give and it has nothing to do with you". 

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