workaholic

I didn't always have the need to kill myself to prove that I am good enough, in fact, I barely graduated high school.  I am sure the people at my first job hated me and if there hadn't been so much corporate red tape I don't know that my second job would have kept me as long as they did.  I gained a lot of weight after high school and so like some overweight people I tried to over compensate by making sure I looked very kept most of the time.  I made sure my clothes were always ironed and brand was VERY important to me.  I was still that high school snob

When I married my ex husband and he would have his fits of diarrhea of the mouth leaving me feeling to stupid to breath.  I would go to work and lick my wounds, not accomplishing much.  I left that company and went on to the next one where I still didn't quite have the management concept down and was getting my butt kicked there as well.  Thank goodness, I had the opportunity to work for the best manager that I had ever worked for, the best man that I have ever had to pleasure of knowing. 

When the narcissist left me broke and broken, I spent much of my time drinking my blues away.  If I was hung over it didn't seem to hurt as much because I could only focus on thing at a time and it was usually the task that I was working on.  I cant say that I had stellar performance during that time in my life either.  Then I got sober, started working out, and got my life together.  I had this drive to succeed.  This is when I looked to my job to fill the empty spot in my heart.  It was nice to be the person that people looked to for getting the job done.  The person that people depended on. I no longer had to see that disapproving looks from those people who thought they were better than me.  This is when I became the workaholic.  This is when I became married to my job.  Until it cheated on me.