I know that you cannot relive your childhood. I am still amazed by relationships that daughters have with their mothers. My aunt is awesome, she has a husband with cancer, takes care of my schizophrenic uncle, and gets her older brother involved in his children's life when necessary. I wonder where she keeps her cape.
My cousin posts on Facebook "Thank you to my mother who jumped up at 6:00 am Friday to bring me meds and Gatorade. She rub my back and legs to help sleep. Encourage me to keep drinking fluids and just was there. At 43yrs old I still NEED my mom."
First of all if I were that sick, calling my mother would be the last thought in my mind. Even when my mother had all of her faculties, I still cannot imagine calling her and asking her to bring me stuff because I was sick. I could see her bringing me medications, maybe Gatorade, but rubbing my back and legs to help me sleep? I have a better chance of Ed McMahon showing up at my door (yes, I realize he is dead).
This is where my therapy comes in, instead of feeling as if I were shorted something or thinking that I did something that justified the withholding of this treatment. I just recognize it for what it is, accept it, and just know that I deserved better. There was a time that I would have analyzed this for hours. Wondering why I didn't receive this treatment when I was younger, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Internalizing it into "if my parents didn't love/treat me well....why would anyone else?"
Now I know that I am in charge of healing my own heart.
I'm so sorry you didn't get what you deserved as a child. I hope you realize your parents were broken and you were caught in the cross fire! You were always deserving of their best but they didn't have it to give! Now you have to give it to yourself! I love you sweetie and want you to be happy! You deserve to be happy! I'm afraid I have had to distance myself from gena I just can't stand to watch her kill herself! She drinks 24/7 and fell broke a rib then her nose and now her leg! I just can't enable her to destroy herself and everyone in her path!
ReplyDeleteI am too going to have to join you in distancing myself from sister. I had not heard about her leg and you are right, she will destroy herself and everyone in her path. She is so convinced that if she goes into a rehad like her ex that she will come out and be cured. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this issue. I can only try and be there for the girls. I love you and thank you.
ReplyDeleteI do realize that my parents were broken. I now know that what I did and didn't get from them had nothing to do with me, it affected me, but it wasn't because of me.