it is hard to be patient with god's plan
Do you hear that????? It is deafening, it is my biological clock.
I never had children because of being with the wrong guy mostly, being messed up most of my life, and partly because i didn't want a child to be raised the way i was. When i finally got to the right time in my life and found a guy who was strong enough to get me through it, he was impotent. I know that in order to have my family i must leave, but i am reminded of the story in the bible where the woman was infertile and so they used a surrogate and that child ended up being a disaster.
I used to struggle with women knowing my husband in a way that i will never know, but now i think that i wouldn't know how to be in an intimate relationship with my husband after over four years of marriage. I have finally got past the anger of feeling deceived, my husband is a godly man and wanted to wait until we were married to have sex (yeah, i know, i am a dumb ass), but i thought it was sweet and special. I have spent years being angry for feeling deceived, now i am just indifferent to the situation and i am okay with not ever having sex with my husband, just not okay with never being that close to another man.
I am torn between two lives, one i desperately want and one i feel obligated by my word before God to complete. I wish i knew what God's plan was, is God's plan for me to finally have the family that i want or to complete my obligation. I feel in my heart that i was to carry a child and know that love created the most perfect being. If only i could just take two people and make them into one......if only life were that easy.
Has Matt tried to consult a doctor about his impotency? There are a lot of diseases that cause impotency other than diabetes. Kidney cancer had the same affect on Ron but we've been able to address the problem through his doctor. There is semen retrieval and artificial insimination to assist with pregnancy. Do you want a child with Matt? The deception is a real issue. That happened to Jamie also. She stayed married for 3 years before she finally got the courage to leave. I'm not trying to tell you what to do just trying to let you know there are a lot of options that perhaps you haven't explored.
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