motivation

if you ever need motivation to clean something....watch an episode of hoarders

matt had gone through his closet and was able to get rid of a bag of clothing about a month ago and he challenged me to do the same.  I could barely drag myself from bed at the time.  I have a basket in my closet and when i find myself looking at a piece of clothing thinking "why do i own this", i throw it in the basket.  When i went to the funeral last weekend, my bff's dad's girlfriend thought that i was thinner than the last time she had seen me.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that i am not sure when i have weighed more.  I thought that i must look thinner because i was wearing clothes that fit and not clothes that i once had fit in to and didn't any longer.  I started last week with my work pants, i had at least 20 pairs and only 6 that i could wear, so i threw them in the basket.  Last fall, before i fell into my huge depression, i was out of control shopping, i had to move some of my clothes into matt's closet.  I swore that if i hadn't worn any of the items that i would give them away, i purged most of them.  I was able to load 3 garbage bags of my own items into my car last night.  I gave away the shorts that remind me i was once a size 8.  The dress that i would wear when i married the person who owned the rest of my heart, i hope that dress will bring someone else happiness. 

Amazingly enough, i was able to get up and get out of the house today.  I picked matt up for lunch, we went and dropped off our donated items, and i stopped at the mall to buy some clothes that do fit.  It motivated me to come home and try on all 18 pairs of denim capris that i own.....my assistant will now be the owner of 12 new to her capris.  I wont always be this size and will wish that i had some of the items back, but you cant grab something new when you are too busy grasping at the past.  Sorry, i have to let go or i am going to drown in my sorrow........goodbye.